Wife Swap with the Cullens
by Lillianna08
Summary: Emmett enters Esme for Wife Swap and she swaps places with Ellen Smith, a mum who believes her family to be perfect and grooms her children to become important people in society. Post Breaking Dawn.
1. The Application

I know there are many stories like this one but I really enjoyed them so I started writing my own one. I hope you enjoy it and please review.

Chapter 1

Emmett Cullen was bored. He had the perfect wife, lovely and caring adoptive parents, a charming niece, brothers to wrestle with and sisters to annoy. Still he decided that he would organise some excitement for the family. While watching TV the other night he had come across a program called Wife Swap.

He had enjoyed it quite a bit as the sole reason of the program seemed to be to torture the visiting mum. Wouldn't it be so much fun for them to torture a human? They could spend two weeks doing whatever they wanted and Esme was sure to be a gift to the other children.

He was sure that everybody would be able to handle themselves; Jasper's control had improved a lot after seeing Bella's unusual control as a newborn. Somehow seeing that she could do it he convinced himself that he too would be able to resist. He had tested himself and succeeded in staying out of temptations way. Once he had even helped in the hospital however that was still hard for him. Emmett wasn't worried about himself or Rosalie either although Rosalie would hate being told what to do by a mere human.

So without thinking much about the consequences Emmett began filling out the form. He had already filmed the video but had purposefully not let himself think about why he was filming the video. Alice should be completely clueless.

Wife Swap Application Form

Please fill out the following form with as much detail as possible and include a video of your family members.

Name: Carlisle Cullen

Age: 30

Name of Husband/Wife and Age: Esme Cullen, 29

Name and Ages of Children:

Rosalie Cullen, 18

Emmett Cullen, 18

Renesmee Cullen, 8

Jacob Cullen, 20

Edward Cullen, 18

Bella Cullen, 18

Jasper Cullen, 18

Alice Cullen, 18

Rules in your household:

No destroying any furniture; if you have to wrestle/fight take it outside

Who takes care of the following in your household:

Money: Carlisle

Shopping: Alice

Homework: The children

Do you have any pets?

1 Wolf/Dog

Do any of your family members take drugs and/or excessively drink alcohol?

No.

Do any of your family have health problems?

No.

Any interesting things about your family?

All of our children are adopted and married. They are all 18 and as they are adopted it is legally allowed. We believe in letting the children make their own mistakes and expect them to learn from them.

The Video

_Hello my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Our family would like to be part of the show wife swap. This is our house._

A picture of the Cullen house appears on the screen.

The camera cuts to Edward playing the piano with Bella watching him.

_This is Edward. He is the youngest and the first we adopted. He likes playing his music and enjoys reading. He is also a total know it all. Next to him is his wife Bella. She also likes reading and hates shopping. _

Alice and Jasper are seen making out in their room.

_These are Alice and Jasper. They seem um busy. Alice is a shopaholic who sometimes spends millions a week if there is a sale on. She buys clothes for our whole family. Her husband Jasper is quiet and can be rather emotional. _

A picture of Emmett's and Rosalie's wedding comes up.

_Em and Rose are also married. Emmett is my favourite child and is very talented. Rose is absolutely beautiful and enjoys shopping with Alice._

Esme is seen on the screen.

_My wife Esme is really nice and likes gardening and stuff like that. _

Jacob is seen in the garage working on a car while Renesmee is sitting on the hood of the car watching him.

_And then there is Renesmee and Jacob. Renesmee is 8 and home schooled, Jacob is 20 and goes to college but comes home a lot. Please accept us the awesome Cullen family for your awesome show._

Emmett clicked send.

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	2. Vision

I know there are many stories like this one but I really enjoyed them so I started writing my own one. I hope you enjoy it and please review.

**Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Wife Swap or the Twilight Characters**

Chapter 2

Alice's POV

_Our whole family was sitting in front of the TV watching what seemed to be wife swap. A new episode had just started._

"_Each week from across America two families are chosen. This week the well organised Smith family. Parents Joe and Ellen believe in giving their children Ine and Phillip no real free time so they aren't subjected to negative influences._

_Ine and Phillip do almost all of the chores around the house. Mum Ellen says her family is perfect. They raise their children in strict and organized way. _

_And the Cullen family. Parents Carlisle and Esme adopted eight children and believe in letting them make their own mistakes so that they learn from them. The parents let their adopted children date and they are now all married. _

_Esme is a stay at home mom who does everything in the house and does all the chores. _

_Carlisle is a doctor at the local hospital in Forks and works late every evening. _

_Daughter Alice spends about a million a month on shopping and buys the clothes for her whole family. _

_She and her adopted sister Rosalie refuse to talk about what happened to them in the past. Rosalie found her husband Emmett being mauled by a bear. _

_Carlisle saved him and then adopted him as his family had already died. _

_Bella who is Emmett's cousin was adopted into the family with him. She loves reading and is married to Edward who was also adopted by Carlisle and Esme._

_Eight year old Renesmee is taught at home and twenty year old Jacob is already at college._

_And finally Alice's husband. Jasper was adopted into the family from a war torn country and is very quiet and emotional. Each mother is about to get a new husband, new children and a new life. Real homes, real lives, real drama." I heard the commentator say._

_What, the Cullen family? Alice, Edward, Jasper, Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Renesmee and Jacob? Why were we on TV?_

I snapped out of my vision. Wife Swap? Who put us on Wife Swap? It couldn't be Jasper, he would never do this without telling me. Renesmee and Jacob were away visiting the Denali coven so it couldn't have been them.

Although we were all very protective over Renesmee we had given in and let them go after much pleading on her part. She had already visited all of the other people that had supported is against the Volturi with us. Recently however she had felt the need to do some things more independently. I was out of the question that we would let her go completely alone and we had all agreed that one person would accompany her. Although she had been willing to go with one of her parents Jacob had been chosen because the Cullens attending high school had missed two weeks of school because of the weather already.

Bella hated attention herself and would never let Edward do anything like this. Carlisle and Esme would have talked to us about it. That left two people Emmett and Rosalie.

Emmett's POV

I had done it. I had sent in the application. We could be on TV! In that second Edward and Alice ran in through my door. They glared at Rose and me.

"Judging by your grins I'm guessing that it is too late."

"Yes Edward," I answered all the while grinning at him.

"What is so funny? Don't you guys get it? WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH A HUMAN IN OUR HOUSE! You know humans right? The people that aren't supposed to know what we are." Alice was screaming at us.

I was about to answer that yes in fact I did know what humans were when the rest of our family appeared in the doorway. Bella went to stand by Edward's side, Carlisle and Esme stood in the doorway looking at us while Jasper was calming Alice.

"I think we should talk about this in the living room." Carlisle said quietly, in a voice that scared me. He looked furious. We all followed him downstairs in silence and then sat down on the couch.

Esme asked me to explain. So I did.

"Well I think you all know the show wife swap right. Were one wife swaps with another. I um signed Esme up for it. I thought it would be fun and."

"Fun!" Bella scoffed.

"Yeah you know a good family experience." I replied.

"What he actually thought," Edward clarified, "was that he would enjoy torturing a human for two weeks."

_Get out of my mind Edward. I'm warning you, if you don't I'll start thinking about Rose..._

"Okay, okay," he quickly replied.

Alice glared at me accusingly. "They're gonna accept us you know. For Wife Swap. Mainly because they think that we're crazy and that more people will watch. Oh and did I mention that we won't like our new mom. And that she'll hate us."

"Alice isn't there any way we can get out of this?" Esme asked.

I was starting to feel sort of bad about signing them up. It suddenly didn't seem like such a good idea anymore.

Alice whose face had been blank for a while spoke up: "No. Everything we try will fail. We are getting the acceptance Letter in two days."

Bella just glared at me and then said: "Emmett I really hate you for this. I do. You know how much I hate attention. And what if someone we used to know sees the programm?"

Alice answered that one: "They won't Bella; everybody we knew in Forks is now over 90. And wife swap isn't exactly a programme that over 90 year olds will watch.

Carlisle spoke for the first time: "Well I guess we will just have to deal with it then."

I was relieved. I wasn't getting in trouble. Carlisle apparently saw the relief on my face. "Oh no Emmett you are not getting out of this that easily."

Ah shit.

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	3. The Letter

**Yey I got another chapter done.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Twilight characters or Wife Swap. **

Chapter 3

Ellens POV

Ine and Phillip were cleaning my already immaculate and perfect house while I was watching over them to make sure that everything was clean when the letter came. I heard the post man drive by and immediately went outside. And yes, there it was. The letter I had been waiting to receive for weeks.

It read:

Dear Smith Family,

You have been accepted to our show the Wife Swap due to an interesting video submission which we enjoyed very much.

Cameras will arrive at your house on the Sunday the 19th of June to film your normal family life. A limousine will be picking up Ellen Smith on Monday the 20th at eight o'clock. She will be swapping with Esme Cullen who lives in Bandon. Don't hesitate to question us if you have any questions or special requests. Please remember that you're not allowed any contact with your family during the swap. If you're not quite clear on the rules you'll find a reminder below.

You'll be staying with the Cullens for a total of two weeks. During the first week you are expected to follow their family's rules which you'll find in a family manual that both you and Mrs. Cullen will write and leave behind for the other. During the second week you can invent your own rules for the family that they are expected to follow. If at any time during the Swap you feel you can't cope with the situation at hand you can be asked to be taken to a hotel close by.

We hope you thoroughly enjoy and learn from this experience.

Sincerely,

The Wife Swap Team

We were accepted. I was so happy and excited. Of course they would accept us. We were the perfect choices to teach another family what a good family is like. Hmm. Bandon. I wonder what that would be like. They probably live in some rundown area. Kids into drugs and all that. I would make their lives so much better.

I decided to call my husband at work to tell him the exciting news.

"Hi Joe."

"Ellen, is something wrong?" He sounded worried.

"No, no everything is wonderful," I assured him.

"Then why are you calling me at work?"

"You'll never believe it! We got accepted for Wife Swap. Isn't that great? Now we can show all of America how wonderful our family is."

"Hm. Yeah. Great. I have another call coming. I'll talk to you about this when I come home, okay?"

"Okay. Bye."

Well that was weird why wasn't he happy? I mean he had agreed to do this and it would show everybody how wonderful our family is as well as helping another family. He is happy, of course he is he probably didn't want to show phone, I told myself. That made sense.

"INE, PHILLIP,"I called.

The immediately appeared before me knowing that when I called them they must drop everything and come to me.

"Yes mother? " They asked together.

"Now I have very exciting news to tell you two. We will be participating in a program called wife swap. Now I know that you two have never seen that program so I will show you what it is on the computer."

"Actually I-"Ine started.

Phillip broke in: "We've heard about it at school, but I don't remember much of it. Do you Ine?"

She shot him what seemed like a grateful look before answering. "Um no not really I guess. And seeing as we never get to watch TV…"

I ignored that and just said: "Come on you two." I showed them an episode on YouTube. It was about some family that thought that they were pirates and a second family (which I liked a lot) that was very organized. Sadly the children in the second family picked up some habits of the first. But I know that will not happen to my children. They are too smart to fall for that kind of thing and will always hold on to our rules. Which included keeping your hair up and Ine's hair was down.

"Ine why isn't your hair up?" I asked.

Ine looked at me before answering. "Mother can't I wear it down. I think that it looks prettier this way.

"No of course not. It will get knotty and disgusting."

"I will keep it clean, I promise."

"Go put it up in a ponytail. Now." Why were we even having this discussion? Ine always had her hair up. It was something that was not to be discussed. What was wrong with having it up anyway? I sighed. This was all probably because of the excitement. I mean we were going to be on TV!

That evening after Joe had come home we sat down together with the kids to ask them what they thought about doing the Wife Swap.

Ine said that she thought that it would be a great opportunity while Phillip just shrugged saying that he was sure that it would be great. He didn't sound like he meant it and I decided that I would have to talk with him later. Together Joe and I once again went through the rules with the children.

They were to be polite and I bit cool because, as I kept on assuring them, the person they would meet would be below their focus. They were to concentrate on their studies and if the new mother's rules should interfere with those they should break them. And most important of all they were to only say positive things about our family. I didn't have to tell them that they would be severely punished if they failed to abide by these rules.

My talk with Phillip later went well. He said he just had an headache which was the only reason why he was acting weirdly. He is a good boy. I went to sleep knowing that we would show everybody what a wonderful family we are.

AN: Please review!


	4. Goodbyes

**Another chapter…**

**Disclaimer: Didn't own Twilight characters and Wife Swap yesterday and I don't own them today either. **

Chapter 4

Emmett's POV

It couldn't be that bad could it? I mean he wouldn't give me a real bad punishment. It was only two weeks and…

"Emmett and Rosalie for the duration of the two weeks of Wife Swap you two will be pretending to be enemies. You know siblings that hate each other. The rest of you guys can be couples but Emmett and Rosalie, „Carlisle trailed off.

No he couldn't do that could he. No because. Of course, I'm a genius.

"Carlisle that won't be possible. When I filled out the application I wrote that we were all married. Which we are," I told him smugly.

"You did what? Are you stupid? Why do you want the new mom to think that we're crazy?" Jasper asked.

"I didn't want her to think that. I just wanted to make it clear that we're all spoken for. We wouldn't want her crushing on one of us."

"Yeah. That's probably a good idea," Edward said. He looked relieved. After all he would be the one suffering most if the new mom were to like one of us.

"Okay fine then forget the fighting sibling thing. Instead you two have to spend some quality time with the wolves after this is over. Also Emmett you won't be allowed any video games," Carlisle replied.

NO. Spend time with the wolves? But Rose hated them. She was going to kill me! And my video games? Carlisle hadn't said for how long. It couldn't be that long could it? Was messing around with a human really worth all of this?

Esme's POV

The weeks we had until the swap had flown by. The acceptance letter had arrived just like Alice had said. I tried to spend as much time as possible with my family before I had to go away from them for two weeks. I would miss all of the so much, especially Carlisle.

Just then a heard the door bell ring. The cameras were coming to film us today to see what we do as a family. I opened the door and smiled when the camera man gasped at my appearance. I was wearing a dress that Alice had chosen for me.

The man was pushed aside by a women who said: "Good morning, I'm Sophie the makeup artist and these are the camera men.

"Welcome. I'm Esme. Please come in." I said opening the door to them in invitation. I saw Carlisle walking down the stairs and added: "This is my husband Carlisle. Carlisle stepped forward and shook the hands of the makeup artist and the two camera men.

Makeup Artists POV

Oh my gosh this family looked amazing. After the mother Esme opened the door for us and introduced us to her husband her kids had walked down the stairs. And let me tell you they were just as beautiful and stunning as Esme and Carlisle. There was hardly anything I could do as far as makeup went. All I did was cover up the shadows under their eyes and that was it. They were perfect and all of them were very polite. Still something about them made me feel almost afraid. I know, I know why would I be afraid of them? They're just a normal family. Well a very good looking normal family.

Tom got a few good shots of their family life. Jasper and Emmett playing video games, Alice shopping with Rosalie and Bella, Edward playing the piano, Esme cooking and Carlisle helping everybody and always being there for his family.

Admittedly Alice, Rosalie and Bella did spend a lot but they seemed like really nice girls. And although it was a bit weird for all the children to be married to each other I could see that they really did love each other. It was obvious.

We left soon because Tom had gotten all the shots he needed. He would return the next day with more camera men while I would go to the Smith's home and do their makeup.

Esme's POV

The makeup and the first day of filming went well. I think the makeup artist likes us and Tom the cameraman seems friendly too. But now it was time to say goodbye to my children and my husband. Two weeks. How would I manage two weeks without them? Of course I would talk to Carlisle through the nights seeing as I had nothing else to do. But still I was going to miss them.

We were standing outside on our lawn I was looking at my wonderful children and trying to prepare myself for this.

Edward stepped forward. "Don't worry mum everything will be fine. The weather will be bad, Alice saw it and two weeks won't be that long. What are two weeks when you have years and years?"

I pulled him into a big hug. The rest of my family joined us in the hug whispering I love you and we'll miss you. Emmett looked guilty an expression I rarely saw on his face.

"Mum I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking and I didn't really think that we would be accepted. I shouldn't have signed you up for this," Emmett said.

"Emmett don't worry it's fine. Maybe we'll even learn something from this. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure? We could always just disappear." I gave him another quick hug before reassuring him.

"Don't worry. I'm kind of looking forward to it."

I kissed my husband one last time and hugged my other children again telling them to be good and not to make the new mother's life too miserable and just like that I was whisked away into the limousine. I waved out of the window and watched my family disappear in the distance.

Ellen's POV

When I woke up in the morning I was in a great mood. Even the gloomy weather outside couldn't lessen my excitement. Today I was going to drive to my new home, no I was going to be driven to my new home and I would meet the family whose life I would improve. I would miss my children of course but it was only for two weeks.

I could smell bacon from the kitchen, a tell-tale sign that my children had made me breakfast. I skipped downstairs and didn't even yell at them for not looking presentable. Phillip's hair was a mess and Ine wasn't even dressed yet.

My wonderful husband came up to me, smiling, and asked me to sit down. And after that everything passed so quickly. I had packed a suitcase of clothes the night before and when the cameras came I was ready to go. I said goodbye to family, reminding the children of the rules again, by now they were perfect, of course, and got into the limousine. And we were off.

AN: Please Review!


	5. Exploring

**Disclaimer: I don't Twilight or Wife Swap**

Chapter 5

After a long ride in the limousine I got out and saw a huge white house. I stared up at it in amazement. We had driven into some woods and for a while I had been afraid that it was some crazy hunting family. The car had finally stopped in a big clearing. The house was right in the middle of it. It was a white and looked like an older house although it bore no signs of age. It seemed to have four storeys; these people had to be rich. Well, apparently they weren't rich enough to afford protection. If the house was this big they probably had lots of kids. _What had I gotten myself into?_

Really, you'd think that with that many kids there would be some mess but everything was perfect. No toys were anywhere on the lawn and the garage attached to the house (why was it so big?) seemed clean as well. The garden was filled with blooming flowers trimmed neatly yet artistically, not a blade of grass out of place.

The camera man that had followed me out of the car cleared his throat noisily. I think he was annoyed with me just standing there and not doing anything.

I glared at him before saying: "This is a very beautiful house." I didn't really know what else to say so I opened the front door with the keys I'd been given and walked inside. Even though I'd expected the luxury I hadn't been prepared.

The first room I entered was a huge living room. Two big couches were facing a big flat screen TV hung on the wall. The colour theme seemed to be pale and everything in the room fitted together perfectly. Countless drawings lined the walls, all originals no doubt, and a staircase as well as a door led out of the room. I decided to try the door first guessing that it would probably lead to the kitchen.

I was right it was kitchen and it looked amazing but I doubted there was a room in this house that didn't. When I opened the fridge I saw that most of the food was untouched and that the food there was seemed to be vegetarian. _Great I ended up with some animal loving PETA family, just my luck._ I loved meat and didn't get why anyone wouldn't want to eat meat.

Sighing I walked back out of the kitchen back into the living room. I saw what looked to be the household manual on the coffee table but decided to ignore it for the moment and to explore the rest of the house first.

On the first floor I found a huge library, something that I appreciated and another room. There was something strange about that room. It appeared to be shared by a boy and a girl and there was only one bed in the room. I guess that they could be twins but it was still weird. A sign on the door said that it was Emmett's and Rosalie's room. The room had a huge mirror in it an attached to another room which was a closet. The closet really was the same size as the room! And it was stuffed with clothes which all appeared to be designer. Why would you need so many clothes?

I only went shopping with my children when they outgrew there old clothes. Ine wore some hand me downs of Phillip. These people either had a lot of money or they were in huge dept.

The second floor was similar. Another girl boy room this one belonging to Edward and Bella. And another huge closet although it was smaller than the one in the other room. This room also had many books and it as well as an impressive music collection. There were also two rooms that were apparently only occupied by one person. The signs read Jacob and Renesmee. Renesmee seemed to be a young girl although some of her books were quite mature. I also found CD's lying in her room, she seemed pretty normal. Jacob was probably a grown up. Mechanics magazines were on his desk as well as college work. Well I was glad two people here seemed normal. I continued my exploring all the while making charming comments on what a waste of money this all was.

On the third floor I found the master bedroom. It was obvious. The room had a slightly more mature taste to it as well as not having a door sign. It was a beautiful room. The huge window looked down onto the forest and the scenery looked wonderful. There was also _another_ girl boy room this sign reading Alice and Jasper. To my shock this room had the biggest closet yet. I found various fashion magazines as well as many books. There was also a relatively empty room; I assumed I would be staying in.

The fourth and final floor was just one room. It had been completely made for entertainment. In one half of the room the walls were covered in TVs attached to various different game consoles. The other half of the room was dedicated to board games like chess and monopoly which were set up between sofas, bean bags and huge cushions.

And on the walls were paintings of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. And they had to be this family, at least I thought they were, the numbers all matched. Although the pictures were different they always featured the same people. A bronze haired boy usually pictured together with a brunette, a blond boy side by side with a little black haired girl, a huge boy with impressive muscles, a absolutely stunning blond, a little bronze haired girl who had to be Renesmee and a tall and tanned boy who was probably Jacob. And finally two people that had to be the parents although they didn't appear much older than their children. A kind looking blond man and a woman with caramel hair. Apart from the guy who I thought was Jacob they were all pale and had strange golden eyes. And all of them were incredibly beautiful. The painter had to be exaggerating.

Who were these strange people? Why were the parents so young and the children already teenagers? And why did they share rooms? They didn't look like twins on the picture. I decided this was probably a good time to read the family manual.

I walked downstairs slowly and was slightly out of breath when I reached the bottom. This family had to be in good shape to walk up and down those stairs every day. I walked into the living room and picked up the manual. Hesitantly I opened it; I was scared of what I might read.

_Dear New Mum,_

_My name is Esme Cullen, I am 26 years old and I'm married to Carlisle. Together we adopted eight children. You may think that I am too young to take proper care of my children but I love all of them dearly._

_The first child we adopted was Renesmee. She is ten years old and I home school her because she is a very bright girl. We adopted her when she was still a baby so she doesn't remember her real parents. She loves playing the flute and the violin. She is also very close to Edward and Bella._

_We adopted Edward next. He was in an orphanage in Chicago and was found to have a heart problem. Carlisle found him and preformed and founded the surgery he needed to survive. Although his survival chances were very low he is perfectly healthy now. During his treatment we grew attached to him and then decided to adopt him. Edward loves playing his piano. He is a very thoughtful person and can always guess what you are thinking about._

_Bella and Emmett are cousins. Bella's mum died when she was born, we still don't know who her dad is. Emmett's parents became Bella's legal guardians. Emmett was mauled by a bear and again Carlisle was the one to treat him. In the same week Emmett's parents died in a car accident leaving the children without a home. We decided that we would also adopt them. Although they're cousins they are two very different people. Emmett is huge, loves making jokes and any stress or anxiety will just bounce off him. He loves playing games with his siblings. Bella is quiet and a bit shy. She likes to read and write._

_Alice and Rosalie prefer me not to mention their past. Please don't ask them about what happened to them. Alice is a hyper person. She is always full of energy. She loves shopping and dresses our whole family. Rosalie also likes shopping and like Alice is interested in fashion. She may seem like a cold person but does actually have a big heart. If you don't respect her privacy I'm sure that you two will clash._

_Jacob is the oldest and the one we adopted last. He is twenty years old. His dad died of a heart attack while his mother got hit by an avalanche. He is currently attending college but still stoops by our house often. He is especially attached to Renesmee and helps with her lessons if he doesn't have classes._

_Jasper is interested in politics and is a whiz for people's emotions. If you need a room to calm down, call Jasper. We adopted him out of a war zone and he is also quite reluctant to share his past. He is quiet and like Bella likes to read._

_Our children are also married. Edward and Bella, Jasper and Alice and Emmett and Rosalie. They're all 18 and adopted so it is legal. Really it was quite a shock for us too, we knew they were dating but getting married? All they said was: "Why wait?" I think that they are right they are obviously in love and I don't think any of them will ever get a divorce. Sure they're young but their love is strong._

_In my household there are not many rules. I don't tolerate my furniture being destroyed as much of it is unique and priceless. Also we expect perfect grades in school as it is easy for them to achieve. And really that's it._

_I spend the morning home-schooling Renesmee and then let her work on some of her own stuff in the afternoon while I do whatever needs to be done around the house. I gave up cooking myself years ago as it is just too difficult to decide what to cook as everyone wants something else. The children can just grab whatever they want. Usually I work in the evenings. I am a wedding planner but I don't expect you to do my job. I've cancelled everything for the next two weeks. The children (Renesmee and Jacob excluded) are all seniors at the local high school. They all have cars and drive there themselves in the mornings. Carlisle works long hours at the hospital because he loves helping people but also makes sure to spend time with the children._

_I hope you have a good time,_

_Esme Cullen_

"Oh my gosh! They're married to each other? That's disgusting! And home schooling? No real rules in the house? I will turn this family's life around."

Just then I heard a car pull up.

**Please Review**


	6. Questions

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga or Wife Swap

Chapter 6

Ellen's POV

I walked to the front door still in shock. I mean they couldn't possibly be married. They were 18 after all, no one marries at 18. And even worse they were siblings, I mean adopted siblings but still. How could their parents have let them? No this was probably just some big joke, it just couldn't be true. Warily I opened the door to look outside.

My first thought was that the pictures hadn't been an exaggeration. All of them were absolutely stunning in there perfection. But still, something about set me on edge and I could feel the hair rising on my neck. _Don't be stupid, I told myself there just ordinary people. Spoilt, rich and disgusting people but people all the same._

The Cullens just looked at me while all of this went through my head. They had all piled out of two cars which to my absolute shock I recognised as Bugatti Veyrons. They were standing in front of them looking at me. A blond man that looked only slightly older than the teenagers behind him stepped forward and smiled at me. Yes my heart did flutter a bit when he smiled but I was quick to remind myself that these were rich stuck up snobs that were beneath my dignity. Good looks or no. And I was married of course.

"Hello my name is Carlisle. These are my children. You must be the new mother."

"Yes," I replied giving him a cool look to show him that I was not impressed by their designer clothes or by his faked politeness, "I am Mrs. Smith, here to make your family nicer and your home a happier one. Could you please introduce me to your children Mr. Cullen?" I wasn't going to call him Carlisle. I don't approve of people that think fleeting contact is a reason to be on first name basis.

"Please call me Carlisle." He gave me another fake friendly smile that I didn't return.

"I'd rather not."

His face hardened and I could see that his "kids" were also upset. The blonde who I thought had to be Rosalie stepped forward ready to say something but Mr. Cullen held up his hand to stop her and to my surprise she didn't say anything.

"Well if you prefer being formal we will of course respect your wishes. I am however not Mr. Cullen, those are my sons, I am Dr. Cullen. Shall we go inside? We can get to know each other better there and my children can introduce themselves. "

I turned on the door step and headed for the living room. Sitting in an armchair I waited for them all to come in three of them sat one couch two, Rosalie and Emmett, sat on the other couch. We waited in silence until the bronze haired guy and Dr. Cullen came back from driving the cars into the garage they joined us and a slightly uncomfortable silence followed. Finally Dr. Cullen broke it.

"Children why don't you introduce yourself to Mrs. Smith?"

The stunningly beautiful blonde who I already thought was Rosalie looked at me coolly and said, "I am Rosalie Cullen. I guess if you want to be all formal you can call me Mrs. Cullen."

"Actually," the petite black haired girl interrupted, "you'd have to call all of us Mrs. Cullen."

I was not impressed.

"I will not be calling any of you but Mr. I mean Dr. Cullen by their last names. You may be 18 but in my eyes you are still children, much too young to be married and not mature enough to be called Mrs. Cullen." Ugh married, it was so weird that I was sitting in a room full of married teenagers.

"But," Rosalie protested only to be interrupted by Dr Cullen.

"Rosalie why don't you tell her a bit about yourself?"

Rosalie glared at me, her pretty face turning into a scowl.

"Fine," she snapped. "I love my husband Emmett who I'm not too young to be married to, like fashion and know a lot about it, unlike you and I am also tied for best student in the school with all of my siblings which proves I am smart, also unlike you."

Dr. Cullen just sighed in defeat and gestured toward the black haired girl. She looked at me neither friendly nor hostile like Rosalie. Her eyes did however linger on my clothes. Her eyes, they had the strangest colour, a light yellow, actually all of them had those eyes and they shared other features too: pale skin, beauty and dark bruise like shadows under their eyes, probably from being up all night. But they weren't related so why did they share these features?

"I'm Alice Cullen, I'm married to Jasper," she pointed at the blonde guy, "I love shopping and buy clothes for everyone in our family."

She did all the shopping? How could her parent let her do that? Looking at them now I could see that she obviously only bought designer clothes. The clothes were also way too tight and showing too much skin. Alice would definitely loose her shopping privileges come rule change. I also then decided that I would be extremely generous and buy them some clothes. For some reason the bronze haired boy sniggered and Alice shot me a dirty look as if they could somehow see what I was thinking. What a ridiculous thought.

The bronze haired boy went next. His face was impassive as he talked.

"My name is Edward Cullen. I love my wife Bella more than my life." I snorted at that. Teenagers were so over dramatic. "I love listening as well as playing music." He put his arm around the brown haired girl's waist and pulled her closer to him. She had to be Bella.

"I am Isabella Cullen but everyone calls me Bella. I love spending time with Edward and Renesmee and I love to read." Apart from her marriage she actually seemed the nicest of the bunch so far. As long as she was reading appropriate books reading is a very good hobby. However I didn't think it was right for her to have a nickname. Children were given their true name for a reason and people should not change or shorten that name.

The huge muscled guy Emmett, who sort of scared me stood up and pointed at himself. "I," he boomed, "am Emmett. I love Rose of course and also enjoy sports and making fun of my siblings, especially Bella. But really I love my family a lot and they are very important to me, "he said with a childish grin.

I didn't really know what to think of him he looked so scary but sounded so childish. When he leaned over and mockingly punched Isabella in the shoulder my disapproval of him grew. He should respect his sister more and he was way too old to act so childish.

The blonde guy went last. "I am Jasper. I love my wife Alice, reading and history," he said quietly. He seemed a bit weird.

I looked them all over and suddenly noticed something. "Uhm where are Renesmee and Jacob," I asked confused. I was sure that they had been in the manual and hadn't Bella mentioned Renesmee before?

"Well Renesmee and Jacob are visiting our cousins in Alaska, they should be back tomorrow or the day afterward" explained Carlisle.

"Wait what," I exclaimed, "you let your 20 year old son take your eight year old daughter on holidays?" How could they let this happen? A twenty year old is never responsible enough to take care of a small kid! But I decided to let it go. I had to find out more about this dysfunctional family in order to help them. I decided to ignore Esme's warning and to take a direct approach. "So Alice, Rosalie what happened to your families?"

Their faces both hardened. And Alice coldly said, "We believe Esme asked you to leave us alone about our pasts." Rosalie stood up and left probably going to her room. Emmett shot me a dirty look and followed immediately. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Bella also glared at me and left. Now I was alone with Carlisle. Just peachy. I looked straight at him and asked him, "What did happen to Alice and Rosalie?"

"I am sorry. It is their story to share."

"Fine then. What I don't understand is how you could let them get married."

Dr. Cullen smiled then spoke, "Well all of them have been dating for years. They were all just perfect matches. Then as soon as all of them had turned eighteen Alice organised a joint wedding for the six of them. Esme and I didn't know about it, we were only told a day before hand. And then I suddenly found myself leading my daughters down the aisle. I know you probably think negatively of them, you probably think they're two young. But they love each other so much and balance each other perfectly so really why should they wait with getting married?"

"Hello why am I the only one who sees this? When you are that young you can't make big decisions like that it will never last and they are siblings, it's wrong," I protested.

"I think after spending a few days with us your doubts will fade. I'm sure you'll recognise how strong their love is. And the really aren't siblings, they aren't related at all they just happen to live together."

I was not convinced and I'm sure my expression told as much but decided to let it go for now. "Okay then why did you decide to adopt all of them, you are a bit young, only a few years older than they are? " I was curious about this I didn't understand his reasoning at all.

"Well they had all lost their parents or guardians, we knew them beforehand and had grown attached to them. We cared too much about them to let them go to an orphanage. So we decided to adopt them."

My head was spinning with all the information I had gotten and I decided to retire to my room to unpack my bags. I wished Dr. Cullen a good night and went upstairs.

AN: Please review and tell me what you think!


	7. Arrival

AN: Thanks so much for the reviews they are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga or Wife Swap

Chapter 7

Esme's POV

I looked back out of the limousine watching my wonderful family until they had disappeared in the distance. The drive took quite long and the driver didn't speak to me once. Finally the driver turned off at a corner and we stopped in front of a normal sized house.

It looked relatively modern with white walls and a flat roof on which I could see some plants. I couldn't see much of the rest of the house because a tall wooden fence encircled it. The driver gave me a key and then drove off after wishing me good luck. A car that had driven right behind us stopped and people got out. They signalled for me to ignore them and when they started getting equipment out of the car I realised that these had to be the camera men.

So, ignoring them as best I could, I walked around the fence until I found a gate. I used the key I had been given to unlock the gate and stepped inside. A rather small lawn went all around the house. To my surprise that was it. There was just grass and nothing else. No flowers, no garden nothing just plain grass only intercepted by a stone pathway leading to the house. The white house door was also locked and I again used my key and stepped inside.

I found myself in a small room where to big closets lined the walls. A shoe closet was by the entrance to the next room. I opened one of the closets and wasn't really surprised to find that it was filled with coats. From what the coats looked like I could guess that this family had two children. A girl and a boy. I said this out loud as I had a feeling that the camera men wanted me to say more.

I took my own coat off and hung it up and then continued to the next room. It was a living room with a sofa and a large bookcase. A TV was also in the room but it was strangely enough locked in a glass case. I walked up the staircase ignoring the doorway that presumably led into the kitchen for now. There were five rooms upstairs. The first room I entered was the master bedroom. A large bed, a closet and a bedside table were the only things in the room. I noticed the colour of the bedspread didn't match the light green colour of the wall but decided not to remark on it. Instead I said, "Well they certainly keep a tidy household." This wasn't exactly true I could actually see a faint trace of dust in a corner but I doubted it would be visible to humans.

I entered the next room and found an ordinary office with a laptop on the table and filing cabinets next to the desk.

Finally I entered the boy's room it was surprisingly clean as well. It was also almost empty. There was a bed, a desk and a bookshelf. The wall was painted a soft blue and when I walked over to the bookshelf I saw that all books were non fictional. On the desk were papers that looked like a homework assignment. "Someone's very studious," I remarked. In the whole room there was nothing that gave any hint of personality. The girl's room was exactly the same except that the wall was painted pink.

The last room appeared to be the guest room. I put my bags which I had carried with me into the room wondering how I would fit all the clothes Alice had packed into that closet. The room was very basic. There was a small window next to a double bed. A closet was at the end of the bed and I really doubted that my things would all fit. The window had plain white curtains as white as the walls and the closet.

Actually the whole house was so empty and sterile. It was as if no one lived in it. There was no decoration anywhere. No flowers or vases I already missed my own house.

I walked back downstairs and into the kitchen where I found the household manual. I pulled out one of the chairs around a round table and sat down to read the manual.

Dear Unknown Mrs.

I signed our family up for this program so that your family will be able to achieve the perfection of ours. My name is Ellen Smith I am 45 years old and married to Joe Smith who is a very successful business man. You are not to call him at work or disrupt him in any way while he is working. We have two children Ellen and Phillip.

Phillip is 14 years old and attends eighth grade. He is to take his studies seriously and always excels in science and maths while of course still getting good grades in every other subject. Ine is 13 years old and excels in the languages and has more trouble with maths but they are still among the best students of their grade.

He and Ine will prepare breakfast every morning as well as making their own lunches. My husband spends the whole day at work and only comes home at eight o'clock. He also eats at work. I get up at seven in the morning and sit down to breakfast.

When I come to breakfast I expect the children to be presentable. This means that their hair is in order and that they are dressed properly. They are not to wear any clingy clothing and Ine is not allowed to wear makeup or anything that has low neckline. I drive them too school, which begins at eight twenty five, after they have done the dishes.

While the children are at school I prepare some lessons for them to complete after school. You will find various books from which you can use lessons in the bookshelf in our living room. I eat a small lunch at twelve o'clock. After which I watch some educational television programs of which you will find a list next to the remote.

There are many dangers in today's world that we will protect our children from. For this reason they are not allowed to watch TV nor are they allowed on any computers. Their teachers have been notified of this and all the assignments that others do on the computer will be completed by hand. The internet is very dangerous and this protects my children from it. Being banned from the internet and the TV keeps my children focused on school instead of filling their heads with stupid ideas. Neither of them is allowed to date until they are finished with university. We expect both of them to get good jobs and to become high standing members of society and we will do the best to make this possible. They attend two music lessons a week. Ine plays the flute while Phillip plays the saxophone. Both of them are members of the school's student council and Ine is head cheer leader while Phillip is the star quarterback. I don't approve of the cheerleading outfits but cheerleading will keep Ine fit and healthy. They are expected to do well in these sports as it will teach them leadership. They are to show politeness to everyone but should show care in selecting their friends.

Ine and Phillip are both allowed to bring a friend home once a month after giving their father the filled out Friend Forms that he has in his office. Neither of them has had a friend over this month so they can still do that. They aren't allowed to go over to the houses of their friends and also aren't allowed to go into town or any place else without one of us accompanying them.

I pick up the children after school at three thirty unless they have football or cheerleading practice or if they have music lessons. After school they are to do their homework after which they will complete the assignments I prepared for the day.

The evening meal is prepared by me and Phillip while Ine starts her house chores. After dinner Ine helps me do the dishes while Phillip does his chores. A list of chores and the schedule for each day is on the fridge.

Both children are expected to be in bed by nine as a good night's sleep is very important.

On weekends the children are allowed to sleep for an hour longer. Weekends are mostly sport orientated and they will often have matches to attend. These are also included in the schedule and my husband and I will go and see the matches where Phillip will play and Ine will cheer. If there isn't a match my husband will o to the gym with them to build up strength and flexibility so that they will continue to excel at sports.

By reading our manual this far you must have realised that we are indeed a perfect family. I hope to introduce some of our rules into your family and hope to help you all achieve a better life.

Now I know that in this show you are supposed to introduce new rules for my family at the end of the first week seeing as this is obviously completely unnecessary we are even willing to pay you a substantial amount of money if you keep to our rules. The education of our children is too important to be ruined in one week.

Thank you and I hope you learn from us,

_Ellen Smith_

Shocked I put the manual down. I couldn't believe what I'd just read. "These parents seem extremely strict. I can't believe they would treat their children like this," I muttered.

I suddenly felt extremely sorry for my own children and for Carlisle. I missed all of them so much already and this woman would probably be shocked at our household and force my children to do things they absolutely despised. She'd probably be horrible to live with.

I shook my head and sighed. "Aah Emmett, what have you gotten us into this time?"

AN: Please review and tell me what you think...


	8. A Broken Vase

Thanks again for the reviews they are what encourage me to write another chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga or Wife Swap

Chapter 8

Ellen's POV

I was just about to begin unpacking my bags when I suddenly realized that I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I decided that it didn't matter much as I wasn't very hungry and if this screwed up family wanted some food they would have to cook some themselves. I did doubt that any of them could cook but that was their problem. I continued with unpacking easily fitting everything into the huge closet. Looking at my watch I saw that it was already 11 o'clock in the evening. Just as I had started to get ready for bed I heard a big crash coming from downstairs.

I ran downstairs to see what had happened and found all of the Cullen children in the living room but couldn't see Dr Cullen anywhere. Edward told me that he had gone to the hospital to get some files and was supposed to be home any minute. Emmett for reasons unknown to me was lying on the floor in the middle of what was left of a beautiful vase I had noticed coming in. I put my hands on my hips and demanded, "What happened here?"

Emmett was obviously trying and failing to fake innocence. He answered, "Well you see Jasper over there pushed me for no reason and it was either the vase or the window and seeing as I broke the window last week I thought Esme would be mad if I broke it again." He broke the window? The huge window which looked very solid to me couldn't possibly have been broken by him. He was probably joking.

Isabella spoke up for the first time. "Emmett I'm pretty sure you should've wrecked the window instead. I think that vase was one of a kind. Esme will be so mad."

Alice who, like me, had just been watching suddenly rushed over to an open laptop on the table and began furiously typing away on it.

She turned back to face the group before saying, "No it's not unique. There's an auction going on for another one just like it in Japan. I just upped the bid to 2 million and nobody will offer more money for it. Jacob and Renesmee can make a detour to Japan to collect it so that it will arrive here safely."

I just stared at her. Had she really just paid 2 million for a vase? How had she gotten that money? I watched in astonishment as she pulled out a phone from her pocket.

"Hi Nessie here's Alice. You know Esme's vase in the living room?" She waited for a moment. "Yes, yes exactly that one. Emmett broke it. Yes I know she'll kill him that's why I need you and Jacob to make a detour to Japan. I'll send you the details of your flight in a sec; I just need to phone the airport." Another pause. "Yes she's arrived." I assumed that they were talking about me. Alice listened again. "Yes she is." Alice laughed before saying, "See you soon. Love you. Bye Nessie."

She hung up the phone then dialled another number and started arguing in what sounded like perfect Japanese. I just looked between them still in shock trying to piece together what had exactly happened. So Emmett had broken a vase (claiming that he could have broken a window which I still thought unlikely) because Jasper had pushed him. Why had Jasper done that? Why was everyone in this family so violent? Well back to the subject. Alice had then apparently found an auction in Japan going on for the same vase and had offered 2 million pounds for it. She'd then told an eight year old to fly to Japan. And Alice turned out to be fluent at Japanese. What was wrong with this family?

Okay I decided to solve this problem from the beginning. "Jasper, why did you push Emmett into the wall?" I asked trying to sound calm and in control. In truth I was starting to worry that this family just couldn't be helped but I would try my best.

"You see Emmett was being incredibly childish as he is a lot of the time. He wanted to go wrestle outside but I refused to because I much prefer spending time with Alice." I grimaced at the last part of his answer but otherwise accepted it although I was wondering why Emmet would want to wrestle.

"Jasper, go shake hands with Emmett and apologize and Emmett will do the same." The both just stared at me. I wondered what their problem was. This method had always worked with my children and they had never dared to complain.

Alice appeared next to Jasper grabbing his hand before saying, "You do realize that Jasper and Emmett are of age and officially adults. They aren't five year olds." I waved this comment away deciding that I would solve their horrible fight later and instead focused on Alice.

"Alice did you really just spend 2 million pounds on a vase?" I questioned her.

She gave me a puzzled look. "Of course I did. It's what Esme would want me to do. She spent ages looking for that vase. You see Esme did all the interior decorating in the house and everything had to fit together. It would have taken years for her to find a different one." Alice was clearly exaggerating.

"Where did you get the money from? Your parents' credit card?"

"No of course not I used one of Emmett's," she replied as if it were normal for an 18 year old to have multiple credit cards on which there were apparently more than 2 million pounds. I wondered how rich this family really was.

"Okay never mind the money," I lied. I would be talking to Carlisle about this. "Did you really tell Renesmee that she should just take a plane to Japan?"

"Of course, are you deaf? I would send them the information on the tickets I booked now if I weren't talking to you."

"But she is eight years old. She can't possibly be able to understand any of this important information. She'll get lost or do something stupid or get kidnapped and it'll all be your fault."

"I appreciate your concern but Renesmee is highly intelligent which is why Esme home schools her, besides Jacob's always there to help her out. Can I send them the info now?"

"Oh okay sure, I guess." I didn't even ask her about the Japanese I was still too weirded out by this whole family.

"Wait," I had suddenly gotten an idea, "when will they be back?" I asked.

Alice turned around. "Tomorrow evening." Perfect that meant that I could spend tomorrow at the Cullen's school to see how they behaved there.

Rosalie, Bella and Edward all seemed bored by our confrontation, sat down on one of the sofas and began whispering together looking unhappy. I couldn't hear a word of what was being said which surprised me as I usually had good ears that could pick up any whispered conversations between my own children. Rosalie took Alice's laptop that was still open and began typing something while Bella sat in Edward's lap and began reading a book. I was momentarily distracted by how fast she was reading it. She couldn't actually be taking any of the information in. Edward seemed to whisper something into her ear and Bella's reading pace slowed.

I turned back to Alice, Jasper and Emmett quickly running out of options on how to make peace between them. The handshaking had always worked on my children and I never had the need to use another method. I decided to use persuasion instead. "Emmett, Jasper you really shouldn't hate each other. Only imagine what an impact this could have on the rest of your life. You'll fail your exams because you can only think about the fight and if one of you dies tomorrow wouldn't you regret never settling this fight?" I hoped they would regret it although I sort of doubted it in this family. They all seemed very impressed by my persuasion skills. Apart from Emmett and Jasper who just looked confused.

"Uhm we weren't fighting, we were just joking about," Jasper finally said. I was aghast. They thought violence was joking around.

"But but you pushed him. That's very bad behaviour and you must be really be mad at each other to go to this extreme."

"Your children must be weird," Alice remarked.

"Maybe they're robots," Emmett said with a grin. I was beginning to be less and less intimidated by his muscles and more and more annoyed at his childishness. He was married for goodness sake how could he be such a baby? I was also annoyed at Alice's very rude comment concerning my children.

"My children are perfect. They don't talk back, are never rude, don't fight and certainly won't even consider dating until they have a good job. We raised them perfectly unlike your parents or adopted parents whatever. Our highly intelligent children will have a wonderful future thanks to our rules."

Suddenly all of the children were on their feet openly glaring at me. They really didn't have any manners. I had never heard of any children being as rude as this lot.

Rosalie who I had already taken a dislike to spoke first, "Our parents are the kindest, friendliest people I know. They treat us with respect which is why we respect them. Carlisle directly or indirectly saved all of our lives and Esme warmly welcomed us into the family. My family is the best thing that has ever happened to me. They care about us and support us in anything we do. You are nowhere near as caring or loving as they are and I truly feel sorry for your children."

Edward spoke next while I was still staring open mouthed at Rosalie. Even though she was way out of line she had spoke with such a passion about Dr. And Mrs. Cullen. Again I wondered what had happened to her.

"You may think that we are rude but really it is you who has disrupted our family's harmony and peace. You're bragging about you children's abilities in front of us although I doubt they come anywhere near ours. I know you noticed Alice speaking fluent Japanese before it is only one of many languages that we all know. We all speak over 20 languages fluently and have never gotten a grade below the top mark in school."

Bella interrupted him, "Actually Jacob only knows 16 languages, he is busy learning Thai and is always annoyed when we speak a language he doesn't understand."

Edward ignored her and continued, "You look down on us for being married yet you know nothing about how strong our love is. I know you'll doubt this but it is true that I'd die for Bella. You think lowly of our parents because they adopted us and because you think that they are young. However as shown by you being older doesn't make you a better parent."

I was trying to think of something to say to his ridiculous accusations when Carlisle burst through the front door. He didn't seem very surprised by what was happening.

"Enough," he said in a quiet voice, "please go to you rooms. We can discuss this later." I full y expected them to refuse and to behave like the spoiled brats they had been with me but to my absolute surprise they went upstairs all of them glaring at me but not saying a word. I was left alone with Carlisle but really didn't want to talk to him. Without looking at him I mumbled a polite goodnight before retiring to my own room and calling the school to inform them that I would be attending classes with the Cullens tomorrow.

Please review and tell me what you think of the story so far.


	9. Temper

AN: Sorry that it's been so long. Here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga or Wife Swap.

Chapter 9

Esme's POV

I heard the family come get out of the car and come up the gravel path. I decided to sit down hoping that this would make me look more normal. Nervously I smoothed my skirt out and shifted my weight like any human would. I was nervous about meeting this family. I had agreed to do this and I really was looking forward to meeting the children but I really hadn't expected that I would end up in a family like this one. I still couldn't quite believe what I'd read in the manual. Who knew maybe it was all a joke. But the manual wasn't what bothered me. I could easily deal with the human family and I hope that I will be able to convince the parents to be a bit less strict with their children.

I was homesick. I missed my dear husband and all my lovely children already. Sure I would be meeting these two human children soon and I was looking forward to it but I had gotten so used to always being with my family for the last few decades. It just wouldn't be the same without all of them. The longest any of us had been apart was when a couple decided to go on a honey moon. I was supposed to meet them tomorrow but it suddenly seemed like very far away. Because I'd need to hunt anyway we had agreed to all hunt together in some nearby woods that Alice had found. Technically we weren't supposed to meet up with our family but hey we weren't supposed to exist either right?

The footsteps of the family were coming closer now and I could smell sweat off one of them. I assumed this was the father.

"Now children," he whispered, "remember to behave yourselves."

"Yes Father," two children answered in synchronisation.

The door opened and a middle aged man stepped through. He looked like he would be going bald soon and had sweat on his forehead. He looked stressed and anxious. I guessed that his wife was usually the one to do the things around the house and that he was out of his depth. He was dressed in his businessman part perfectly wearing a suit and shirt with a matching tie. The pattern on his socks didn't quite match the pattern on his tie but that didn't ruin his image. He was of course carrying a briefcase and definitely looked like someone who thought of himself as very important. Looking at me his eyebrows rose which was an expected reaction and probably brought on by my youth.

Peeking out from behind him was Ine. She was a cute and perky looking red head. I noticed she wasn't wearing any make up unlike most girls her age. She was wearing a skirt which actually went past the knee and a black woollen jumper. My girls would never wear anything like that.

Phillip was standing further behind the other two and looked bored. He was quite muscular for a human and was wearing a plain normal black T-Shirt and jeans.

The all just looked at me. Because it really didn't seem like anybody else would say anything I decided to.

I stood up and said: "Hello you must be the Smiths. I'm Esme Cullen."

Ine immediately stepped towards me with a big smile on her face. "I'm Ine." To my surprise her father pulled her back.

"Ine remember your manners. I'm Joe Smith. It's very nice to meet you. May I call you Esme?"

I was surprised at how quickly he had managed to completely swap personalities. One moment he was mad and stern the second he was a warm and friendly host.

"Of course. May I call you Joe then?" I said with a polite smile. I really wanted to cheer Ine up who looked quite sad behind her father but I guessed that he wouldn't approve of that. I didn't want to upset my hosts on the first day.

"Yes. Now this is Ine and that behind me is Phillip."

"Hello Phillip, Ine. I'm really looking forward to staying with all of you." Although it wasn't quite true I added: "You're house is very nice."

"Oh thank you. We do try to keep it as clean as possible."

"Perhaps we should sit down on the couch and find out more about each other," I suggested.

"Of course. Come on children."

We all settled in the living room. Phillip and Ine looked distant and just silently stared into thin air. Joe looked like he was feeling very awkward.

It didn't look like any of them would be saying anything anytime soon so I decided to start. "Like I said before my name is Esme. I am 26 years old and my husband Carlisle and I adopted eight children."

"What eight? Why would you do that?" Joe asked rather rudely.

I tried hard to remain polite although this man wasn't really helping my calm. "Carlisle is a doctor. In some way or other he saved all of their lives and we both grew attached. All of them are orphans and we didn't want to live them over to child services."

Joe didn't look impressed or sad like most other humans did after hearing our cover story. Instead he said: "I think you just too young to be a mother. You can't possibly control eight kids."

"I don't think that I am too young. It has always been my dream to have my own children but that wasn't destined to happen. And really I don't want to control my children. I believe that they should make their own mistakes and hopefully learn from them."

Ine who had been sitting there quietly like Phillip suddenly spoke up. "What are their names?"

Her father looked disapproving but I answered anyway. "Renesmee and Jacob, Bella and Edward, Emmett and Rosalie and Alice and Jasper."

"You say their names together. Like they are couples or something," Joe intervened.

I laughed. "Oh they are all married apart from Renesmee and Jacob." I thoroughly enjoyed the look of shock on his face although I knew I shouldn't.

"Ine, Phillip go to your rooms. This is not meant for your ears," he snapped.

Ine and Phillip got up and left but both threw a curious look in my direction. As soon as they were out of earshot Joe began talking again. I really didn't like hearing him talk.

"You can't be serious woman. They're your children, they grew up together. Them marrying is just sick. You will kindly refrain from mentioning any of this nonsense when my children are nearby. I will not have them learn any of the behaviours in your family."

I was mad. How dare he insult my loved ones? "It is not sick. They love each very much and although we were surprised at first we now agree that it was inevitable and that they would've married at some point anyway. They are all adopted so they aren't related. And really I think it would do your family some good to learn from ours."

"That, that's just ridiculous, "he spluttered. He was looking really stressed now. I could tell that he was probably going to start shouting judging by the colour of his very red head. I decided that I really didn't need to listen to this any longer.

"Joe, we really shouldn't already be arguing on our first day. I am sure that you didn't mean anything by your words but I feel very strongly about my family. There is nothing wrong with them and I love them a lot. I'm assuming that you ate when you were out so I'm going to go to my room to unpack."

He didn't reply and just stared at me when I got up. Sighing I walked right past him and wnet to my room. I could tell that this was going to be a very long week. I was also a bit worried about what my children would do to the wife of this man. I was usually even tempered but Joe had really managed to get me mad and my children weren't always as calm. I felt some sympathy towards Ellen but mostly felt sorry for Carlisle and all my children but Emmett. He was after all the one that got us into this mess.

AN: Please review and tell me what you think!


	10. School

AN: Thank you so much for all the reviews, they're what make me update.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap

Chapter 10

I awoke to the sound of an alarm clock and was surprised to see that it was already 7:15. School would start in 15 minutes and none of those rotten children were up yet. Groaning I got up and put on some clothes. I brushed through my hair once and then decided that I would have to go and wake up the brats as I had named them. When I glanced into Carlisle's room I was surprised to see that he'd already left without waking his children or telling them goodbye. I decided to begin with Emmett's and Rosalie's room. I banged on their doors shouting as loud as I could. I made my way through the house until I reached the kitchen. I suddenly realised that I would actually have to make breakfast something I hadn't done in seven years.

At that moment Alice came down the stairs hand in hand with Jasper. To my surprise she looked perfect. Not a hair out of place even though I had banged on their door only a minute ago. She was also wearing something that I would never let my children touch.

She smiled at me as I began opening cupboards looking for something for breakfast. "Don't bother," she said, "we don't eat breakfast."

"Breakfast," I lectured her, "is the most important meal of the day." I gave her a stern look. She had to eat breakfast, it was unhealthy not too.

"Not in our household. We usually grab a granola bar on our way to school or something like that," she answered back cheekily.

I was about to reply to that when Isabella and Edward came down the stairs. They were also both perfect and dressed in completely inappropriate designer clothes. I did feel a bit shabby beside the four of them, I hadn't even had time to brush my teeth but I quickly pushed those thoughts away. I was perfect and had a perfect family. I should feel sorry for them and not envy them.

"Where is Carlisle?" I asked to distract myself.

"He left about an hour ago for work," Isabella replied, "he knocked on your door but he had to go when you didn't answer."

I was right that he had left for work but apparently he had said goodbye to his children and had even tried to say goodbye to me. Maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought he was. Nonsense Ellen, I chided myself, he is a horrible father who is never home and probably drinks. Anger flashed over Edward's features but quickly disappeared.

"Then where are Emmett and Rosalie? We have to go; we are going to be late. I knocked on their door they should be here by now." I was stressed. Being late would cast a bad shadow on me and I was the good mother who wasn't supposed to be making any mistakes.

"They probably got held up," Jasper said suppressing laughter. I suddenly felt strangely happy as well.

"I'm going to go and get them; you put on your coats." I stomped up the stairs and banged on their door some more. When no one replied I opened the door and stepped inside.

What I saw inside completely derailed me. Emmett and Rosalie were both topless, entangled in each other. I was completely grossed out.

"Emmett, Rosalie, what in the world are you doing?"

They disentangled themselves and pulled the blanket up. Emmett was grinning widely.

"What does it look like we're doing?"

Eww. Eww. Ewww. This was so wring and messed up.

"Put some clothes on. What you're doing is just wrong. Hurry we're late," I said weakly.

They both laughed.

"Why is it wrong?" Rosalie asked, "We're married. Remember?" She held up her left hand to show me the ring that was on it.

I so couldn't deal with this right now so I just about ran out of the room and to the living room where the other four were laughing at me. I sank into a chair and put my face into my arms. How was I supposed to survive two whole weeks of this?

Only a minute later Emmett and Rosalie walked down the stairs. Emmett had his hand around Rosalie's waist. I refused to look at any of the children and got out of my chair staring at the floor.

"Let's go." All of them laughed at me another thing my children would never dare do.

They led the way to the garage that I hadn't seen before. I was still too shocked from what I'd just witnessed in Emmett's and Rosalie's bedroom to be astonished at the expensive sport cars that were in the garage. Besides nothing about them would surprise me anymore.

"Mrs. Smith you'll be riding with Edward and Bella in Bella's Ferrari today. We arranged swaps so none of us will be deprived of your lovely company and Bella and Edward lost," Jasper said mockingly.

"Jasper Cullen. You will not speak to me in that tone," I replied hotly. I couldn't believe how rude he was being. I was good company. I was loving and caring and in the end they will be eternally grateful for my help.

Sadly Jasper had already gotten into a yellow Porsche that Alice was apparently going to be driving. Emmett and Rosalie were in what looked like a Bugatti Veyron but I was probably mistaken. Edward was impatiently waving for me to get in, Isabella was already in the driver's seat.

"Aren't you going to let me drive?" I was the grown up here after all. They couldn't seriously expect me to sit in the back.

"It's my car so I drive. Now would you please get in? We're losing," Isabella replied.

"Fine."

I didn't bother asking what we were losing at. I was sure that I would probably find out soon. I got in the back of the car feeling absolutely ridiculous. Edward and Isabella were sitting in the front like they were the parents and I was the child.

Isabella revved the engine and drove off so quickly that I slammed back into my seat. An unsettling suspicion was beginning to form in them back of my mind. When they had said that they were losing they couldn't have meant street racing. They were just normal teenagers driving to school. As I was trying to convince myself of this, and purposefully not looking out of the window, I happened to glance at the speedometer. We were going 180 kilometres per hour.

"Slow down," I shrieked. We were going way too fast. They would kill us all. I didn't want to die. Neither of them responded and Isabella just kept on driving. I spent the rest of the ride in absolute terror. I had closed my eyes and began praying when I heard Isabella's voice.

"Mrs. Smiiith we're here." Her voice snapped me out of my terrorized state.

"How dare you. How can you drive so fast? You should be arrested and go t jail. You could have killed us all." I was outraged.

"Mrs. Smith. I'm sorry if Bella's driving frightens you, but she was driving quite slowly for her," Edward replied.

"Slow?" I screeched. Edward rolled his eyes at me. He actually had the audacity to roll his eyes at me. This was only the second day and I already wanted to strangle all of them. Oh well it would be my turn in two weeks. And then I will get my revenge. Oh and make them a perfect family of course. A family with discipline. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn't actually noticed that the Cullens had begun to walk off towards a building clearly marked as the Office. Hurriedly I rushed after them. None talked on the way and we walked into the office.

It was a brightly lit room with a large desk taking up most of the space. A man was sitting in front of the computer and looking through a stack of papers when we came in. He looked up at us.

"Good Morning Mr. Chandler," all the Cullens said in synchronisation. I was surprised at their manners. Maybe they have a multiple personality disorder.

"Ah the Cullens. What a pleasure. What can I do for you today?" He asked with a bright smile. It seemed like he was actually happy to see them. Why would anyone be happy to see them? I was about to make my presence known as he hadn't seen me when Edward began talking like he was the one that was responsible for all of us.

"I believe you have been informed of the fact that we are participating in a program called Wife Swap. It's the reason for all the cameras. Mrs. Smith here who came to our family would like to observe us at school."

"Ah yes I remember now. You have to understand Mrs. Smith finals are coming up very soon so it is very important that the class is not disrupted. I put together a schedule for you that'll put you in all of their classes sometime during the day. We hope that you enjoy your stay at our school."

I said thank you and took the page he handed to me. We all headed out of the door. Alice sighed.

"You have trigonometry with Alice, Bella, Jasper and me first. You may follow us to the class room."

Ah trigonometry. When I was in school I excelled at everything like my children do but I did always like trigonometry. I was also the best in my class at it. This would be interesting.

The others, who had Advance Calculus instead, said goodbye and walked into the other direction. I followed Alice, Jasper, Isabella and Edward into a big classroom with a large window. It was pretty much a standard classroom with a Smart Board at the front of the class. The Cullens all sat in one long row and I decided to sit behind them where I would get a good look at what they were doing.

The other students walked in soon after us. Thanks to their crazy driving we were actually early. All the other students who walked in stared at me and the Cullens. The Cullens show of nonchalance however made me think that they were used to people staring at them. I had to admit that they weren't bad looking and I guess that shallow people would be jealous of their lifestyle. Judging by the envious stares of the other students there were a lot of shallow people in this class.

The teacher walked in. "Good morning class. You probably noticed the cameras and the Mrs. Smith who is sitting behind the Cullens. The Cullen family is participating in the show Wife Swap. Don't worry her presence will not disrupt our studying. You all realize that this is your last Trigonometry class before the finals. I would like you to review your notes and formulas and especially go over the test I gave you back yesterday. If you have any questions come see me at the front."

Immediately the class began taking out notes. Two girls went to the front of the room to ask the teachers some questions. I was not surprised when the Cullens didn't do anything at all and just chatted quietly with each other. I was filled with happiness that they would fail their finals. We would see that their money wouldn't get them anywhere then.

One boy sitting in the row in front of Jasper sighed. "I don't get this." Jasper was about to get up, to help him I guess but I signalled him to stop. He would probably just tell him something that was completely wrong. I myself decided to go help the boy. I explained what he was missing and I probably helped the boy get into a good university. I noticed that no one was currently talking to the teacher so I decided to approach her.

"Umm excuse me; don't you think that the Cullens should actually be doing something?" I asked in a friendly voice.

"You must be Mrs. Smith. I am Ms. Mills. I'm guessing you want the Cullens to review their notes or something like that."

"Yes."

"Well that's just pointless. The Cullens have never gotten a single question wrong on any assignment or answered a question incorrectly. I'm sure that they called teach this class better than me. They will probably get the best grades in the whole school on their finals."

"Oh okay I guess."

I walked back to my desk and sat back down again. I ran through the possibilities in my head and I could really only come up with two. Either the teacher was bribed or the Cullens were really that good. She was probably bribed. It was impossible that they were that good I mean they hadn't even done any homework yesterday.

Just then the teacher began walking around the classroom and looking at the student's notes. She stopped at the boy's desk that I'd been helping. She frowned.

"Tom. This last formula is completely incorrect. Where did you come up with this?"

The boy shot an angry glance my way.

"Mrs. Smith told me that this was correct."

"It is absolutely false. Mrs. Smith would you kindly refrain from interfering with the student's learning opportunities?

I didn't bother answering. Apparently the Cullens hadn't bribed the teacher. She was just so dumb that anybody could've taught this class. The teacher went over the so called correct formula for the rest of class and I watched the Cullens chat with each other completely disrespecting and ignoring the teacher.

When the bell rang I followed the Cullens to the gym. All of them had this subject together. At the beginning of class the coach explained to me that the students would have to sit through a written test as well as go through various fitness tests and performing a skill of their choice. The Cullens of course worked together again and the gymnastics routine they had put together looked mind blowing. The boys and the girls were flying through the air and flipping like it cost them absolutely no effort. Just about the whole class was watching them. And after their routine none of them looked the least bit tired or sweaty. But of course if my children wanted to they could have done the same thing. They were just focusing on becoming important and well educated citizens of the world rather than only focusing on sports.

I had to wait until the Cullens had showered after PE class and then I decided to follow Isabella who seemed the least corrupted by the family lifestyle to the library. Edward of course came with us. Once we arrived in the library Isabella pulled out a fat book in Japanese and began to read intently. She and Edward sat down on one of the small couches in the library and Edward spent the whole time playing with her hair. I bet Isabella was just pretending to be able to read Japanese to annoy me and Edward was just playing at being a devoted husband. They were really beginning to get on my nerves. It took ages until the bell finally rang. Isabella and Edward stood up and look at me.

"Um bye I guess. You have history with Alice and Jasper next that's in room 434 in building four." Isabella and Edward walked off together.

I walked out of the library door glad to be out of there. Sometimes I felt that I was being smothered by the amount of books in those things. I walked down a corridor with lots of flyers and posters on the walls. Apparently graduation was coming up and there were lots of reminders and notices. I walked through a corridor with loads of lockers. Students were surrounding them, getting out there books and staring at me. Their whispers followed me.

"Wow I can't believe that she would wear something like that."

"She is so lucky to be living with the Cullens. I would kill to be her."

"But she's so plain and she doesn't look interesting at all. If I were living with the Cullens they would love me immediately."

"You know what this means? If the Cullens are on Wife Swap we can watch them on TV." This last comment was followed by a squeal from a brunette.

I didn't understand what was wrong with them. Were they so blinded by the prosperity and the looks that they didn't see the spoilt and messed up family I always saw when I looked at them? I walked outside and briefly glanced up at the sky. It was still grey; the sun hadn't shown once since I had gotten here.

I walked into the history class to have a bald man glaring at me. I wasn't even that late. Okay maybe I had gotten a bit lost but whatever. Anyway I walked to the back of the classroom. Everybody was staring and whispering. I sat next to Alice and sat and sat. The class was so boring. The teacher was just firing questions at the students. And of course Alice and Jasper got every question right. Their perfect act was really beginning to get on my nerves.

I again left the class and went to the next one which I shared with Emmett and Rosalie. This class was by far the most awkward. The students were supposed read over old tests or something like that and every time she wasn't watching they would kiss and hold hands. EWW. Why were these teachers so ignorant? Couldn't she pay attention? But I didn't bother go up to him this time because, well, Emmett and Rosalie were probably the best students in this class and blah blah blah.

The rest of the school day was uneventful. I spent the day listening to all the teachers telling me how perfect the Cullens apparently are. If they knew. The ride home was again terrifying but by then I was seriously beyond caring. I just wanted to go lie down and figure out what I would do with this family. I had to go upstairs and lie down. I was seriously getting a headache from the Cullens.

AN: Please review!


	11. Coffee

AN: Here's the next chapter, sorry that it's been awhile; I was away over the Easter Break and didn't have my computer with me. Thank you for all of your reviews but a special thank you goes to the following people who reviewed on almost every chapter:

Billy boo80 (and The Return of the Candy Canes and whatever other names you used :) )

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Xoitalyszgirlxo

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap

Chapter 11

Esme's POV

Throughout the night I talked to Carlisle on the phone and we agreed to meet up during the next night to hunt and so that I could see my family again. We both hung up at six o'clock in the morning when I could hear alarm clocks in both Ine's and Phillip's rooms. I missed Carlisle and my children so much already and was relieved that I would be seeing them tomorrow. I began to feel guilty as I could hear Ine and Phillip get up and begin to rummage in the kitchen. They shouldn't be the one to make breakfast, they weren't servants after all. As more time passed I began to smell burning eggs from the kitchen. I was a bit worried about how and where I would be able to hide the food but I was sure I would think of something. About ten minutes later I heard footsteps coming towards a door and a knock.

"Come in," I called.

Ine stuck her head in my door.

"Good morning Mrs. Cullen. Breakfast is ready now."

I smiled at her. "Good morning Ine. Please call me Esme. I'll be downstairs in a second, I'll just get changed."

"Okay Esme, I'll see you there." We smiled at each other again than she left and closed the door behind her.

I got dressed at what I imagined was a human pace and brushed through my hair quickly. I left my room and walked downstairs in a pair of jeans and a purple T-Shirt. Ine and Phillip were sitting at the set table, their father hadn't arrived yet. I could see eggs on the stove on the table there was cereal and some milk. The place that I supposed was Joe's had coffee by it.

"That was quick," Phillip said. I would have to remember to take longer to get dressed tomorrow morning. When I didn't reply right away Phillip's face became flushed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude or anything," he babbled.

"No don't worry about it. I don't think you're rude at all, don't worry about it," I tried to reassure him. His face told me that he was still worried and I wondered what had gotten these children to be so shy and apologetic. They were pretty much the opposite of mine.

"Thank you. Do you want me to make you coffee?" he asked.

"No thank you. I'm just going to drink some water." I walked over to the cupboard where I assumed that I would find some glasses but Phillip stood up and stepped into my path.

"I'll get it. Why don't you sit down Esme?"

"I can manage getting my own water," I told him. I couldn't believe how polite and helpful these children were.

"Please, sit down." And his face did look pleadingly at me. It also looked like he was afraid of something. Would Joe and Ellen really punish their children for not getting a glass of water? I decided to sit down; I didn't want to get them in trouble after all. Phillip sighed in relief and got me some water and then sat down again. I knew that there would be many things I would change come rule change but I was beginning to wonder if these children would even follow my rules it seemed like they were to obedient and I was sure they had been instructed to ignore any of my changes.

Just then Joe came into the kitchen disrupting my musings.

"Good morning dad," Ine and Phillip chorused.

Joe mumbled a good morning and sat down in his chair. He pretty much ignored me and began wolfing down his food that Ine had put on his plate. I was pushing around my food on my plate and occasionally putting some of it in a napkin I had in my lap when no one was watching me. Joe took a sip of his coffee and spat it back out again.

"This is disgusting, it is cold," he stormed glaring at Ine and Phillip.

"We're s s sorry," Phillip mumbled.

"Clean this up," Joe said pointing to the coffee splatters he had made on the table. I was shocked. None of this was their fault!

"Stop Ine. Don't clean it up." I turned to Joe. "How dare you order your children around as if they were your slaves? When I came downstairs that coffee was steaming. It is certainly not their fault that you took such a long time to get dressed and to come downstairs. They weren't the ones to spit the coffee out and they certainly shouldn't be the ones to clean your mess up. Why don't you do it?"

Ine had frozen with a cloth in her hand looking between Joe and me uncertainly. Joe looked ashamed for a second but then his face turned beet red with fury.

"Ine clean it up. Remember Esme that this is my week. My rules are the ones you have to follow. And I say that the coffee was cold. Ine and Phillip should've kept it warm for me," he shouted getting right into my face.

"That is ridiculous. How can you expect your children to do everything for you?"

"Our children owe us a lot. We are the people that created them. We have given them a great life. They are just repaying some of the debt by helping around the house."

"You call that helping? They are doing everything for you."

"Goodbye Esme. I'm going to work now. Drop the children off at school and do all the things that you are supposed to do. Bye children. I'm very disappointed with your behaviour so far. Let us hope it will improve."

And he was gone. He'd just grabbed his briefcase and walked out of the door, just like that. I was still fuming but smiled at Ine and Phillip. After all it wasn't their fault at all that their parents weren't very nice at all.

"I guess we should go. We don't want you to be late." We all went to the garage after Ine had shown me where the car keys were and got in a small car. I drove the kids to school and said goodbye to both of them. After they'd left the car I was surprised to find a note left behind on Ine's chair. It read:

Dear Esme,

Thank you for standing up to us at breakfast but it is pointless. You'll be leaving all too soon and then everything will be the same as it was before. Please don't fight with Dad; he'll just be mad at us. Thank you,

Ine and Phillip

AN: So that's the end of the chapter; the next one will be at the Cullen's house again and Renesmee and Jacob are finally coming back. Please review; all your reviews make my day!


	12. Reneesme and Jacob

Here's the next chapter and sorry for the wait. Thank you to the following people for reviewing:

Mrs Whitlock Hale xxx

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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap

Chapter 12

Ring, ring. The shrill ring of an alarm clock woke me in the morning. I was momentarily confused by the noise as my hand automatically reached for the snooze button again. Why was there an alarm clock ringing? Why wasn't Ine or Phillip here to wake me? Actually it should be Phillip seeing as they always seemed to alternate. Then I remembered that I wasn't at home anymore and instead I was l in hell.

Groaning I got out of bed and shut off the alarm clock. I got dressed and then stepped outside of my room. I walked downstairs into the kitchen which in the morning light almost hurt my eyes. Everything was so clean and shone brightly. It looked like no one else was downstairs yet except when I looked into the closet I saw that Dr. Cullen's coat was gone he had probably left already again. Was he never around?

I was beginning to see why the children behaved like they did. I had of course heard of kids before that acted up to get attention from their parents. Maybe I should talk to Dr. Cullen but knowing him he would never listen to me. It was like the only thing he ever did was work. To a certain degree I respected this, doctors are an important part of society but the father should also be at home to discipline the children. Children that aren't probably disciplined turn out to be little brats like the Cullens.

Then again maybe, just maybe it wasn't all the children's fault. They were of course horrible but maybe they didn't know any better. One look at the watch told me that that really didn't matter right now, school would start in five minutes and they still weren't downstairs.

"Children get down here," I shouted frantically.

"What's wrong? We're right here," a voice from right behind me said. I flinched and whirled around looking right into Alice's too innocent face. All of the others where standing just behind her once again perfectly dressed.

Trying to keep calm I said, "You're late. School begins in five minutes, I'll have to call them."

"Oh don't bother," Isabella responded cheekily.

"Now that we don't have to slow down for you we can drive as fast as we want," Jasper added.

"Race you," Emmett cried.

"You weren't driving slowly." But they were already running off towards the garage completely ignoring me. Once again they hadn't eaten any breakfast and I sincerely hoped that Emmett had meant that he would race Jasper to the garage and not to school. I also realised that I would have to cook myself breakfast.

I got out some eggs from the fridge as well as grabbing a pan. When I looked at the clock again I saw that it was quarter to eight, school had started 10 minutes ago. I knew that even yesterday the drive had taken us about twenty minutes so there was no way they'd already be there. I picked up the phone and dialled the school's number that had been included in Esme's handbook.

The school picked up after three rings.

"Bandon High School this is Ms. Chandler speaking."

"This is Mrs. Smith. I am participating in the program Wife Swap and have swapped places with Esme Cullen. Unfortunately the Cullens will be late today because they're little brats that can't be bothered getting up on their own and."

"Excuse me Mrs. Smith according to the data on the computer here the Cullens all made their registration."

"But that's impossible," I said faintly. How had they done that? It _was_ impossible. They should've never made it. But I guess they had.

I hung up the phone without saying goodbye still too shocked. Well there wasn't really anything I could say or do. Maybe there was some sort of shortcut through the woods I didn't know about.

I got back to making myself breakfast and burnt the eggs in the process. It had really been a long time since I'd last cooked and for a second I really appreciated everything my children did for me. The second quickly passed. What my children did was completely normal there was nothing special about this. It was just living with such badly behaved children made my children seem like they were so much better. They were perfect because of how we raised them but any child should cook and do chores because it teaches them responsibility.

After the disgusting breakfast I decided that I should do the laundry. In the washroom there were only a few clothes. A note was taped to the dryer. It read:

Dear Mrs. Smith,

Seeing as we only wear our clothes once or twice you won't have to do much washing. For the washing there is please read the other paper that I attached to the washing machine for the settings so that you won't ruin the clothes like I saw you would.

Thank you,

Alice

I followed her instructions exactly not because I agreed with them but because if the clothes came out ruined, like I was sure they would, I could blame her.

After that I didn't do too much. I spent some time attempting to do some dusting but because I couldn't find a single surface that had any dust on it at all.

So instead I read a book called "How to discipline your children." It was very stimulating book and gave me some very interesting ideas about the rule changes I will introduce to the Cullen family.

At around one o'clock I heard a car drive up the drive way and knew this had to be Jacob and Reneesme. I opened the door and stepped outside to see what Cullen's horrible discipline had done to these two children.

They drove up in a black car. Reneesme stepped out first and my breath momentarily got caught in my throat. She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. She had long wavy brown hair that went to her waist, chocolate brown eyes and soft delicate features. She flashed me a lovely smile. No wait stop she wasn't beautiful or lovely. She was a Cullen and ergo a selfish brat.

Behind her Jacob got out of the car. He was tall and muscular, looked about 27 and had short dark hair. His tanned skin was very different from the chalky pallor of the other Cullens. He was beautiful in a different way to them. In a more alive way. The Cullens were impossibly beautiful, inhumanly so while Jacob seemed more real somehow. Then again my children were more beautiful. He didn't smile at me and instead looked serious and frowned.

He walked to the back of the car and got two suitcases out of the trunk that he carried to the front door. The both stopped shortly in front of me. Jacob bent down to Reneesme and whispered something in her ear. She reached up with her hand and touched his face with a smile. Then they both looked at me.

"Hello you must be Ms. Smith. I'm Jacob, this is Nessie." Jacob shook my hand but when I held my hand out to Reneesme she didn't shake it and instead hugged me. It seemed like she was being very careful not to touch me with her hands.

"Reneesme," I said.

"What?" Jacob asked a look of confusion crossing his face.

"Her name is Reneesme," I clarified.

"Yes but I really do prefer Nessie," she trilled. Her speech was amazingly clear for an eight year old.

I sighed. I'd already had this discussion with Isabella and didn't want to repeat it again. "You have a very strange name, it's true. But it is your given name and therefore a part of whom you are. Nicknames destroy personality."

They both sort of shrugged.

"Sure, sure. Come on _Nessie_ let's go inside."

I trailed behind them following them to the living room where Reneesme picked up _Romeo and Juliet_ and started reading. Jacob was looking at some sort of mechanics magazine.

"Uhm. Reneesme Are you sure you should be reading that. That's a book for big kids, maybe you should wait a few years. I'm sure your parents wouldn't want you to read that." It was just a depressing book, everybody died. She should be reading Winnie the Pooh or some picture book.

"I understand everything in the book even though I'm younger than you think I am. And as a matter of fact my mum and dad recommended this book to me. Dad said he quoted from it to mum when they were in high school."

"How about you put it away until your dad comes home and then we can ask him if you can read it okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be allowed to read it? Mum read some to me a week ago."

"If I say you shouldn't read it you don't," I screamed. How dare this little girl answer back and be so rude?

"Excuse me Mrs. Smith. But am I right in assuming that this is still our week and you should therefore be following our rules?" Jacob rudely interrupted our private conversation.

I subtly changed the topic. "What do you study Jacob?"

He was still glaring and looked unhappy for some reason but he answered anyway. "Engineering and technology."

"Wow those are useless subjects what job are you going to get with those?"

A big grin crossed across his face. "I'm not going to get a job. Carlisle and Esme made me go to college because they thought I'd enjoy it. But hey why should I bother with a job. Thanks to Alice and the stock markets I've got enough millions at the bank to last me a few lifetimes."

What? He couldn't possibly be serious. He had to be kidding, right? He couldn't just spend every day sitting at home.

"What are you going to do for the whole day?"

"Drive about, drink and steal money. Come on Nessie let's go upstairs where she can't annoy us."

Was I hallucinating? Had he really said that? I watched as Jacob got up and Reneesme eagerly followed him. I suddenly remembered that this insane guy couldn't be let alone with an eight year old girl.

"Wait stop," I cried.

They were halfway up the stairs and turned around to look at me.

"Why don't you come back down here and tell me exactly where you were?"

They looked at each other and Reneesme put her hand on Jacob's face again. They exchanged a smile before turning around, walking back downstairs and sitting on the sofa.

"So where exactly were you," I asked.

"We spent a few days in Denali, Alaska with our extended family." Reneesme answered while Jacob just looked at the floor.

"How was it?" I was trying very hard to make polite small talk and not shout at Jacob for not sitting with a straight back and not showing me any respect.

"It was very nice. Tanya, Kate, Eleazer and Garret were very hospitable."

Hospitable? Where did she learn these words? Wasn't she supposed to be saying something like: "cute animals"?

"Okay, how exactly are you related to them?"

"They're our cousins."

"How old are they?"

"Very old." Finally Reneesme sounded like a normal child her age. A mischievous twinkle in her eyes made me think that I was missing some sort of joke.

I heard another car and was surprised to see that it was only 2 . Who could that be?

All of the children and Carlisle walked in through the door. To my surprise Reneesme immediately ran towards Edward and Isabella when they came through the door and not to her father who I would've expected she'd miss most. She really did seem to have a weird habit of touching people's faces because she once again touched both of theirs.

"Hello, _sis_," Isabella greeted her.

Edward chuckled and wrapped his arms around both of them. It looked like one of those moments in movies which are supposed to touch your heart. I half expected some stupid music to start playing. As I watched Reneesme and Jacob greet their family I suddenly remembered that the children were supposed to be in school.

"Why aren't you at school?" I asked them.

Carlisle stepped forward and looked at me. "Well you see they all missed Reneesme so much when she was gone that I decided that I would let them skip the rest of the day."

"What? You are the most irresponsible father I have ever met. How can you let your children skip school? Do you have no clue how important education is? They have finals soon. They need to study."

"Mrs. Smith. I am perfectly aware of how important an education is and I know the finals are very important but my children told me that they could handle the studying and I trust them completely." Carlisle was very calm.

"You can't trust children. They don't know anything. You as the parent should plan out everything for them. It's your responsibility."

"I disagree. A parent should love their children and not discipline them, they should act as a guide and not as a jailor and they should always support and be there for their children."

"You are so naive. Your children are complete snobs that will end up as alcoholics and druggies. And it is your fault do you hear me Dr. Cullen? When it finally happens you'll be the one coming to me and begging me to show you discipline. My children will be presidents some day and then you'll think that I was right all along."

With that I made a dramatic exit to the sound of laughter that I heard from downstairs. What was their problem?

About an hour later I decided to see what they were doing. It was quiet downstairs. I crept out of my door and stood at the top of the stairs watching them. They hadn't noticed me.

Isabella and Edward were sitting on either side of Reneesme and seemed to play what looked like a three way game of chess. It was a wonderful picture I would admit that they looked perfect together and for the first time I didn't think it was wrong that they were married. Bella and Edward looked so in love with each other and looked at each other like Joe had never looked at me.

Alice and Rosalie were on a computer together and looked like they were having a really good time together. I could suddenly also see the family bond between them. Even though they were total opposites appearance wise they were obviously sisters.

Emmett and Jasper were playing a game on what I was pretty sure was a Play station which didn't surprise me. What was weird was that Carlisle was playing with them. He looked like he was actually enjoying himself laughing when he scored a point and mock punching them when the beat him. Again I was reminded of my family. Joe rarely did something with the children.

The Cullens couldn't be better than us. I repeated a mantra that I'd said so often to myself that I'd forgotten when I'd first said it.

"My husband is perfect, my children are perfect, I am perfect. Pity everyone else." And once again it seemed to hold true. I should pity everyone else and I did pity the Cullens. The probably had some brain damage which is why they married their sibling. They would never be anywhere near my family.

Emmett suddenly got up and walked up the stairs towards me. "Carlisle says that I have to ask you if you want to play scrabble with us," he said sullenly.

"Of course." I had always been very good at scrabble and had even once won a competition in high school. I would prove to these Cullens that they weren't the best at everything.

Two hours later I walked back to me room. I had very graciously let the Cullens win the game even though they always made up words like Pleistocene and phylum. Even Reneesme had done it and said that asynchronous was an actual word. Of course I knew that they were lying and didn't appreciate it but I was way too tired to argue.

Please Review!

By the way for those of you that read Changed the next chapter should be up today or tomorrow at around five. (Swiss Time) If you don't read it go take a look if you're interested, here's the summary:

When Tyler's van almost crushed Bella, Edward did not only save her life but also, overwhelmed by emotions, kissed her. However Edward lost control and bit her. How will Bella deal with her new life as a vampire? And will she ever forgive him?


	13. Competition

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap

Chapter 13

The letter I had gotten from the children filled me with both determination and sadness. I was going to make things better for the children. Somehow, although I had no clue of how I would achieve this, I would get through to Joe and make him see how much the children were doing for him.

I drove back home and cleaned up the kitchen which only took me about ten minutes. After completing that task I cleaned the whole house from bottom to top just for something to do. It was quite frustrating because I had to do it at a human pace for the cameras.

However that didn't take very long either because cleaning was easy for me even at a human pace. I phoned Carlisle again while pretending to have a shower. His lunch break ended way too soon and I had to hang up the phone again.

I was really at a loss of what to do. Everything seemed so boring. I decided that I might as well prepare the extra lessons for Ine and Phillip even though I really didn't want to force more work onto them. But the rules of this whole thing did say that I was supposed to be following the other family's rules for the first week so I really didn't have much of a choice.

I tried to think of a way to make the exercises more interesting for the children however the books I had been given made that quite difficult. In the end I copied some questions out for them and decided to have a competition with them. Whoever finished first would get a prize. I had found two perfect prizes in my suitcase and mentally reminded myself that I would have to thank Alice for it when I got home.

Both of them would be receiving a book, it didn't really matter if they came first or second. I would've love to give them something like a TV or computer but I was sure that Joe would immediately forbid that. He could hardly protest against books and Alice had purposefully chosen two that were related two that were in some ways educational.

For Phillip Alice had chosen "Virals" by Kathy Reichs while Ine would get "Vampire Academy" by Richelle Mead. I was sure that they would both enjoy the books thoroughly especially seeing as Alice had picked them.

After being finished with the lessons I read a book that Bella had recommended to me and I wasn't surprised to find that I loved it. It was very hard to read at a human pace because it seemed to take forever. The book I would've usually read in 15 minutes took me a whole two hours to read which meant that it was time to pick Ine up from school.

One my way to the school I "remembered" that I was supposed to have watched some educational television. I guess that would the first time I broke the rules with the people actually knowing about it.

I drove into the school's parking lot and saw that Ine was already waiting for me. Her face was red and flushed; it looked like she had been running away from somebody. By the looks of things it had probably been the giggling group of girls that was walking right behind her laughing, joking and pointing at her.

"Hello Esme," she greeted me as she quickly slid into the back seat.

"Are you okay?" I asked her as I pulled out of my spot and bean driving away from the school.

"I'm fine."

"There are no cameras or recording devices in this car," I assured her. WE had been told that we should be assuming that we were always being filmed but I would have heard the device if there would've been one in the car.

"I guess I can stop pretending then. Truth is those girls were mad at me because I did much better than them on the Humanities test we got back today. They were calling me nerd and stuff like that all day." Ine looked like she was about to cry. I pulled her to me in a hug.

"It's fine Ine. They're just jealous of you. I'm sure it will pass."

"Thank you Esme. It's just that I would've never done that good on the test if my mum hadn't drilled me with questions for it weeks before we had the test." She still wasn't crying and it looked like she was trying hard to keep it that way. I wondered if this was another thing the children were taught. Not to cry.

"Is getting a good grade a bad thing?" I asked her.

"No of course not. It's just that I don't want to spend so much time studying every day."

"Don't worry Ine. I am planning to change that. Maybe I'll even get through to your dad and convince him that he doesn't need to be that strict all the time."

"That's never going to happen," she said with absolutely no hope in her voice.

I vowed myself then and there after hearing that complete hopelessness that I would change things for this family. I would make sure that Phillip and Ine would smile and laugh and get the freedom they deserved.

As soon as I dropped Ine off at home she studiously went to her desk and started her homework. I had to go and pick up Phillip from his saxophone lesson. He refused to speak to me in the car obviously not believing me when I assured him that there wasn't a single camera in the car. Arriving at the house once again I began to prepare dinner. I refused to let Phillip do much and only had him set the table. Ine continued her homework because I had "accidentally" done her chores when I had cleaned the house.

At six the door bell rang and I opened the door for Joe.

"Smells good," he grunted. He had apparently decided to try to behave civilly and I really wasn't complaining.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Joe systematically asked his children questions about school subjects and homework but he never actually asked for their opinion. Ine and Phillip seemed to be on automatic mode; eyes dull and no expression in their voices. This seemed like something they did every evening which I found appalling.

After dinner Ine helped me with the dishes although I was reluctant to let her do anything. Both of them were already doing way too much. Joe went to bed early which delighted me as it meant that he couldn't complain about the books right away. He would probably disagree with Vampire Academy because it wasn't that educational but to me it just seemed like a must-read book for teenage girls.

Ine and Phillip did seem to enjoy the competition and they both thanked me sweetly for the books although they kept throwing anxious glances towards the bedroom and the camera men.

At exactly nine o'clock they booth went to bed and were soon asleep. I quietly jumped out of my window and ran towards my family. The cameras would never notice I was gone.

AN: Please review! And if you haven't read Virals or Vampire Academy they're both really good books. :)


	14. Pleasantries

AN: I'm so excited at having over 100 reviews thank you so much to all of you guys that reviewed, you're all awesome.

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own the Twilight Saga or Wife Swap.

Chapter 14

Ellen's POV

_I was running through dark and thick woods. Branches cut into my legs painfully. I wasn't sure what I was running away from or why I was running. A pair of familiar golden eyes flashed in the darkness. I was filled with a strong sense of dread. I had to get away from them. I kept on running. Then I could suddenly see the light filtering through the trees a few meters from me and I knew that it was the light that I was running towards. Instinctively I knew that I would be safe as soon as I reached the light. Another pair of darker golden eyes flashed on my right side. And then suddenly the eyes were all around me. I stumbled and fell. Panic coursed through my body I couldn't run anymore._

I woke up sweating and completely entangled in my blankets, my heart was racing. For some reason even now and awake the thought of Cullens, Renesmee and even Jacob not included, still terrified me. Their quick, graceful movements, their pale skin and even their beauty suddenly seemed very sinister to me. Almost threatening. Even though Jacob's stature and muscles made him look threatening he didn't make me feel the same instinctual and somewhat unexplainable fear. The nightmare had somehow increased the feeling although I think it was somewhere beneath the surface for the whole time. I chided myself for the thoughts and decided to go get a glass of milk from the kitchen.

Walking downstairs I was surprised at how quiet it was in the house. I had never thought it possible that this house could be quiet at all. Once I'd gotten my milk and put the glass into the dishwasher I walked back upstairs but paused in front of Renesmee's room. I was suspicious again and my earlier thoughts of the quiet came back to me. I cracked open the door and peeked inside.

Renesmee's bed empty just like expected. Just to be sure that none of them were in the house anymore I also checked Emmett's and Rosalie's room. To my disgust I found a ripped and very lacy bra on the bed. I closed that door quickly and then went back to the living room so that I could sit down and think about what I would do now.

In all the episodes of wife swap that I had watched so far nothing had happened that could compare to this situation. The family I was supposed to stay with had just left and the camera men were already gone for the night. I had absolutely no one to contact or call.

I heard voices at the door and just when I stood up to see who it was the door opened. All nine of them walked inside of course none of them seemed in the least surprised to see me even though Carlisle half heartedly said: "Good evening Mrs. Smith. It's quite late. Did you have trouble sleeping?"

I ignored his question. "It isn't that late for me however it is way past the bedtime of an eight year old. Why is she still up?" I asked pointing towards Renesmee.

"We have a tradition in this family that for every second full moon we hike up to this meadow. We did knock on your door but you were probably asleep. We didn't want to bother you so we left without you." Even though Carlisle's face was serene I thought I saw a sparkle of humour in his eyes for a second. He had to be joking right? They couldn't possibly have a tradition like this. It was just so weird.

"What kind of tradition is that? I really think tha-."

Jacob rudely interrupted me: "I'm sorry could we discuss this tomorrow. Renesmee would like to go to bed she is quite tired."

And they all just left leaving me standing baffled in front of the now empty doorway. I really had nothing else to do but go back to sleep so I went back to my bedroom and got into bed.

The next morning my alarm clock went off twenty minutes earlier than it had the day before. I was planning to get Edward and Isabella to make breakfast, and then I would start my lessons with Renesmee.

I knocked on the door to their room and Isabella opened the door. She was wearing pyjamas that I would never let my children wear. Her tank top really left nothing to the imagination and her shorts were way to short. When I looked into the room my shock increased. Edward was sitting up in their double bed without a shirt.

Isabella interrupted my thoughts. "What do you want? We still have a long time until we have to go to school."

"I would like you and Edward to prepare breakfast for the family. It would be a very nice gesture for everyone and I'm sure that they would appreciate it."

"Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this still our week? We are living by Esme's rules and I know that Esme wrote that we don't eat breakfast in the family manual."

"How selfish are you? Imagine how happy the rest of your family would be." How could they be doing this? I shouldn't be the one who has to make breakfast for myself. The children should give things back to their parents and as I was their mother for now they should support me.

"Trust me none of them would appreciate it. We have gotten used to our granola bar breakfast and we all like it."

Edward was stood up from the bed and put his arm around Isabella's waist.

"I'm sorry but you're depriving me from quality with my wife." Isabella turned to Edward and passionately kissed him. It completely disgusted me. Edward pushed me out of the doorway and closed the door behind them, Isabella's arms still around his neck. I was going to protest but then I heard the click of the lock.

I shoved all thoughts of the two of them out of my mind it was just too wrong and disgusting. They live together are adopted siblings for goodness sake! In my mind it was still incest although they weren't actually related.

I was already planning to send all of them to marriage counselling as I was hoping that the counsellor would make them see how completely messed up they are.

I decided that I really didn't want to go knocking on any of the other doors so I myself went down to the kitchen and made breakfast. Although the eggs and the bacon were slightly burned I thought that it looked really great. Deciding that they should eat something although they didn't deserve it I called the ungrateful bastards downstairs. They didn't come. After calling for three more times I gave up thinking that it was really there loss. I changed my mind after eating the breakfast. Maybe I should hire a chef or something.

I was beginning to worry once again that the brats would be late. "Get downstairs now. You have this weird thing called school that you have to attend." Then suddenly I felt very calm and guilty.

Jasper had come down the stairs followed by Alice who was in turn followed by everyone else.

"Good morning," I said pleasantly surprising myself. Jasper winked at Alice.

"Have a nice day," I said as they began walking to the garage. As soon as they had disappeared my pleasant mood abruptly vanished. It was strange.

Renesmee and Jacob weren't up yet and I walked back up those damn stairs to bang on their doors. Jacob got up first. He looked bleary eyed and wasn't wearing a shirt and although I did notice his six pack I didn't swoon like many other woman would have no doubt about it.

"Why are you waking me up?" he asked me.

"Good morning to you too. You have to go to college." The first thing that I would teach these children is manners. Just wait until rule change it wasn't that far of now. Then I would be in control.

"Yeah college." Jacob yawned. "I need coffee." Then he sauntered downstairs still shirtless.

At that moment Renesmee came out of her room. She was wearing a cute dress with flower print on it that like everything they wore probably cost more than all my clothes combined.

"Good morning." She smiled a dazzling smile at me that I was not at all fooled by. Looking at Renesmee now I noticed some things about her that I hadn't seen before. She didn't share the same looks with the other Cullens. She had chocolate brown eyes that would've been called normal in any other face but hers twinkled with something special. She did look a lot like Edward but she also looked like someone I was sure I knew but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

My good morning was a bit late. "So what's for breakfast?" she asked pretending to look all innocent.

"I'm sorry but there's no more breakfast. I called but you didn't come. Your loss." She didn't look at all bothered.

"That's fine I had a lot last night."

I was perplexed. "Did Carlisle bring food with him?"

"Nope we found some food in the mountains."

"You found food? In the mountains." Her eyes were the only thing in her innocent face that betrayed her amusement.

"Of course not. We have a small storage place there."

Oh. That explained it.

"Well let's get on with your lessons. Do you have a timetable?"

"I was afraid you'd ask that. I'll get it quickly." She ran back to her room and then returned with a piece of paper in her hand. Looking at it I was shocked at what I saw. Throughout the whole day Renesmee had seven periods and she could chose freely between all of the subjects for each of the periods.

"Are you sure this is your timetable?" I asked her. Maybe she had just printed out a random piece of paper. She seemed to be smart enough to do it. When speaking to her it was more like talking to a teenager than talking to an eight year old.

"Yes see," she said pointing to a signature at the bottom. It read: Dr. Carlisle Cullen. "I had Carlisle sign it because Alice knew I mean she guessed that you wouldn't believe me."

"Fine. What lesson do you want to have first?"

"Music," she answered enthusiastically. "Come on I'll show you the music room." I followed her into a room which I hadn't noticed when I'd first looked around the house. It looked quite big and had various musical instruments in it. A grand piano was on a raised platform, various music cases were in shelves and a harp stood in the corner of the room. Another shelf was filled with papers that all looked like notes and a few music stands stood by it.

"So what do you play?" I asked her.

"The flute, the violin and the harp."

I was impressed even though she probably didn't play them well.

"Then who plays the piano?" I asked curious as to who would play such a large and beautiful instrument.

"Dad," she answered.

"Okay so what are you going to practice today?"

"I'm playing « Prélude à l'après-midi d'un faune » by Debussy." She went over to the flute case opened it and put her flute together.

And then she started playing. For a few minutes I forgot everything around me. Ine had never played this good. The music coming from that flute seemed like magic. Renesmee played every note right and it seemed like she barely breathed in. After she stopped playing I couldn't help but compliment her.

"That was very good." Renesmee smiled.

"Thank you."

For the rest of the music lesson Renesmee played different pieces some of which she said she had written herself. It all sounded absolutely beautiful. I found that it was hard to hate someone who played such wonderful music. The lesson passed very quickly and Renesmee chose to do English next.

For this lesson I found that Renesmee had a list of books she could read and then she had various assignments ready to complete. Her books way to advanced in my opinion and although I really thought she should read other books her assignments clearly showed that she did understand everything that happened in them.

The rest of the day passed easily and quickly. Renesmee kept choosing and excelling at subjects. When lunch time came around I was surprised when she offered to cook spaghetti. The spaghetti were very good but eating them with her reminded me of the fact she was indeed the first of the Cullen's that she had seen eating something. The rest of the day passed incredibly quickly and I once again heard voices at the door.

Renesmee immediately jumped up and ran into Isabella's arms when she walked through the door reminding me that even though I had began to like her she was still one of them.

Carlisle walked through the door behind his children. All of the children seemed to disappear upstairs at the same time and only Carlisle stayed behind.

"Did you have a nice day Mrs. Smith?"He asked me. Listening to him I suddenly realised how stupid it sounded that he still called me Mrs. Smith although I lived with this people.

"Yes thank you. And because I believe we know each other more now I would like you to call me Ellen."

"As you wish. Does this apply only to me or can my children call you Ellen as well?" Carlisle was smiling at me and his teeth gleamed in the light of the lamp. A shiver ran down my spine.

"I will inform them of that myself. How was your day at the hospital?"

"It was good thank you."

"Carlisle I would like to talk to you about something. Would you come to the living room with me please?"

"Sure." We both walked to the living room and he sat down in a chair opposite me.

"Well I have noticed that your children barely seem to eat anything. I think that we should all sit down together for a family dinner. Eating with your family is a good social event during which you can teach your children manners and discipline."

"How about I invite the whole family to a restaurant for the evening?"

The restaurant idea sounded very appealing mainly because it meant I wouldn't have to embarrass myself with cooking.

"That sounds very generous, thank you. When would you like to go?"

"Maybe we should leave at six. I'll go tell the others." Carlisle stood up and walked upstairs and I heard him knock on the doors quietly.

I myself went to my room until six o'clock. When I came back downstairs all of the others were there already and although the way they were dressed made me nervous I didn't remark on it.

Rosalie, Alice, Isabella and even Renesmee were wearing formal dresses and all of the boys and Carlisle wear also in formal dress.

We took Edward's and Carlisle's car and then drove for 45 minutes before arriving at a small classy looking restaurant.

Once we stepped inside I immediately felt completely out of place. My jeans and T-Shirt look didn't fit in with all the people in formal dress at all. A beautiful waiter with strange blue eyes came towards us before addressing Carlisle.

"Mr. Cullen, what a pleasure."

"Good evening Tom. We would like our usual table for ten."

"Of course Mr. Cullen."

The waiter led us to a large table that was secluded from the rest of the restaurant. To my shock I found a gold plate on the table that said "The Cullen Table".

Once we were seated another extremely beautiful waiter who moved with very much grace came to our table.

"Good evening Mr. Cullen, Mr. Cullen, Mr. Cullen, Mr. Cullen, Mr. Black, Mrs. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, Ms. Cullen. And oh we have a new guest."

"Good evening I'm Mrs Smith," I said pleasantly.

"Nice to meet you. Here are your menus. What drinks would you like?"

"A water with gas please," I said.

Jacob asked for a sprite.

"And for you?" the waiter asked the Cullens. They all exchanged glances.

"We're all taking the usual," Edward said.

"Are you sure," the waiter smirked. "Don't you want to try something less vegetarian?"

"No thank you," Edward flashed his teeth and hissed something under his breath. I couldn't hear what he was saying but the waiter apparently heard it because he flinched back.

"I'll be right back with your drinks." The waiter left and returned only about a minute later with my water, a sprite and eight red milkshakes. When I asked the Cullens what the drinks were they said that they were strawberry milkshakes which struck me as weird because I'd never thought Carlisle would be someone who drank milkshakes.

I myself ordered spareribs, Jacob and Renesmee both ordered ravioli and the other Cullens asked for the food usual.

When their usual came I was surprised to see that they all ordered mashed potatoes. I had thought that they would order something more sophisticated like caviar.

"So why did you guys order mashed potatoes?" I asked them.

"We like it," Isabella answered. However I thought I heard Emmett whisper something like "it comes up easily" which made absolutely no sense.

The dinner was surprisingly pleasant and the conversation wasn't strained at all. I was surprised that I was sort of enjoying myself and even more surprised to find that the Cullens were quite charming if they tried. What wasn't surprising was that they knew exactly how to handle the luxury. They always knew what cutlery to use on which course and I found myself copying what they were doing. I was now much more positive about the possibility of changing their lives and I was almost sure that they would accept our ideas. Maybe I could even get them to divorce each other and behave like normal siblings. And then I would get them to make friends in school where they seemed to be avoided by everyone.

Before I realised it the dinner was over and we were all back in the car returning to the house : I was really tired and I was looking forward to going to bed.

There you go my longest chapter so far. Please review!


	15. Boredom

AN: I'm really sorry for the long break in updates, I was away on holidays and didn't have my computer with me. Thank you so much for the reviews, you guys are awesome.

To answer some of the questions I received:

Updates: I don't really schedule my updates and the time in between them is very different. I'm hoping to get at least another chapter of both Wife Swap and Changed written by Wednesday and I'm hoping to update more frequently.

In the last chapter the Cullens were indeed in a vampire restaurant that was set up for vampire dealings with humans which have to occur sometime.

I did indeed think about having Carlisle drink wine instead of a milkshake and it would've been more realistic but it would've caused problems and Ellen would've questioned the fact that she wasn't getting wine from the same bottle.

Disclaimer: I have not, do not and will never own the Twilight Saga with its characters. I also don't own Wife Swap.

And now, finally, on with the story.

Chapter 15

Esme's POV

As I came closer towards where we'd agreed to meet, a spot halfway between our two locations, I could hear footsteps running towards me. I ran faster than I'd ever had after my newborn years my urge to see Carlisle's driving me on.

And then I finally saw him. My footsteps faltered and then stopped altogether when I saw the expression on his face. His eyes glinted in the moonlight and his face was filled with such love.

A half second later I was finally in his arms and being there made me feel complete again. At first I had agreed to the plan readily but I hadn't quite realised how much I would miss him only now when I was with him again did I realise how our time apart had strained me. I sighed happily finally seeing him and touching him again. Phone calls could never compare to this. His face nuzzled my hair and he whispered my name.

"Esme."

I smiled up at him before lightly pecking him on the lips.

"I missed you," I told him. He lined down to kiss me, his lips feeling wonderful against mine. Then when the kiss was beginning to heat up we both heard a crashing sound in the forest and we broke apart.

Emmett came running out of the trees a moment later followed by the rest of our children. As much as I loved seeing them again I wished the could've just waited a tiny bit longer. Edward mouthed a sorry towards me and I saw that Alice also looked apologetic. Undoubtedly they had tried to give me this moment and hadn't succeeded in restraining Emmett. Jacob was trailing behind the others unable to run as fast in his human form.

"Mummy I missed you," Emmett said with a huge grin before grabbing me into a huge bear hug that I would've never survived were I a human. Instead of laughing and complaining like I usually did I hugged him back fiercely before hugging all of my family members. I was especially happy to see Nessie again, she had been gone for quite a while and I had been sad to miss her return. As I was hugging them I realised that I also considered Jacob as my child which was strange. On paper he was my adopted son but I'd never really thought I'd think of a werewolf as my child.

After they all began questioning me intensely wanting to know everything that had happened to me at the Smith's home. Only Edward and Alice abstained from the questioning knowing all my answers already. I told them all about Joe, Phillip and Ine and how easily I'd slipped away from the camera men who were all asleep. Then finally it was my turn.

"So how is Ellen?" I asked and was surprised to see everyone grimacing. Carlisle had said that things weren't bad and that they were all doing fine.

"We're not even allowed to call her Ellen because apparently being with her almost 24/7 isn't enough to put us in first name basis. And she's absolutely horrible," Emmett said. To my surprise Rosalie who was standing next to him didn't disagree with him. Usually when Emmett was exaggerating she was the one to control him and to correct his statements.

"Emmett," I scolded him. I was sure that the woman couldn't be that bad.

Imagine my surprise when well mannered Edward spoke up on his brother's behalf. "She has thought one or two nice things about us since arriving and both thoughts were immediately deemed incorrect in her mind and contradicted. She thinks were spoiled little brats and that her own family is perfect." Bella was holding his hand and nodding in agreement.

"And the feeling of hate that is radiating off her and towards us is horrible," Jasper added. Alice gave him a soothing hug and he smiled down at her.

I glared at Carlisle. "I guessed that she wasn't the nicest person after reading the manual however when someone told me that everything was fine I assumed that she had begun to like you." I trailed off immediately recognising the blank look that had crossed Alice's face.

"We have to go," she and Edward said as one.

"What? Why?" I asked. I didn't want to go back to that house I wanted to stay here with my family.

"Ellen just woke up. I think she had a nightmare. She'll notice our absence and if we're not back quickly she'll wake up the camera men." Which would cause problems for us seeing as we had signed a contract saying we wouldn't be in contact with our families for two weeks.

"Of course," I said sadly. Carlisle gave me a quick kiss before he turned and ran after the others. I sighed once again acing a whole 10 hours with nothing to do. I would call Carlisle in four because I was sure that he'd have dealt with Ellen by then but it would be too risky to meet up again. I decided that I might as well hunt and after taking down a deer I walked back to the house at a human speed.

Back at the house I decided to read a few books and that helped me make it through the time until I could finally talk to Carlisle again.

Soon after I'd ended the call I could hear Ine and Phillip outside my door.

"I want to wake Esme," Ine said.

"It's my turn," Phillip responded.

"But I got up on purpose."

I ended their argument by stepping outside my door.

"Good morning you two."

"Good morning Esme," they chorused and smiled at me.

"Now why don't we go to the kitchen and we can make breakfast together." I was filled with gratitude that I actually knew how to cook fairly well thanks to Bella.

They both trailed behind me whispering to each other about how I wasn't supposed to cook of course under the impression that I couldn't hear them. Changing my mind I decided that I would ignore the rules for now and I sent them back to bed saying that I would make breakfast and ignoring their protests.

I frankly hated that they had to do everything in the household, juggle so many extracurricular activities and do homework as well they needed their sleep and it wasn't like I was going to sleep any time soon.

Joe came down to breakfast and grumbled a little that I'd been the one to make breakfast but he did compliment me on the food and I began to think, as impossible as it seemed, that he was beginning to warm up to me.

The day passed much the same as the one before except that I brought Ine to her cheerleading practice and Phillip to his soccer training after school.

I again called Carlisle after the others had long gone to sleep but we decided not to meet up for another night just to make sure that Ellen's nightmares weren't a regular occurrence.

Carlisle had a theory that Ellen was having nightmares after having been in close proximity to vampires for so long. If only she would've known that our family was a coven of vegetarian vampires. She would never have dared to boss them around like she apparently did.

Carlisle's stories about her amused me greatly and I couldn't help but think that the meeting between the parents probably wouldn't go so well.

Another boringly normal day passed and I gained a new sense of appreciation for all the interesting things that happened at our house. A fight between Edward and Emmett would be much better than this. I had a feeling that when I got back I would let them do anything they wanted for a while just so I could see unusual and unplanned things happen.

Here everything was minutely planned and scheduled it felt like we were all robots doing the jobs assigned by Ellen. I did cheat on some things however. I cooked breakfast again and I persuaded Joe to let the children watch TV after they had done all of their homework of course. I also did all of the housework in the 30 minute break the camera men took.

Seeing them get so excited over a Simpsons episode made me sad. Apparently they had never seen one before in their lives. I couldn't wait for rule change. I wouldn't try to force our family's lifestyle on to them, that would be impossible anyways and if they would've been happy I wouldn't have changed a thing. But they weren't happy at all, I could tell that Phillip hated football and would probably quit it if he could. I'd try to make changes that would make them happier.

AN: Please review and tell me what you think.


	16. Wolf

Disclaimer: Leider besitze ich weder für Wife Swap noch Twilight die Rechte. I'm bored of these disclaimers you guys know I don't own either anyway.

AN: Thanks for the reviews I love every single one of them :)

Chapter 16

Ellen's POV

I woke up to a sunlight hitting me in the face which was surprising. It was my first sunny day in Forks and that immediately put me in a better mood. The mood was immediately ruined when I glanced at my alarm clock and saw that it was already eight o'clock. Someone had kept the alarm clock from ringing and I had a sneaking suspicion of who it was.

I got up and got dressed as quickly as possible, praying that the children had already gone to school. I wondered if I had really set my alarm clock the night before. Surely I would have heard if someone came into my room during the night this of course meant that I would be responsible for them being late for school. No of course they had turned off my alarm clock. I shuddered at the thought of one of the Cullens in my bedroom. I still felt a bit uneasy around them.

I walked into Emmett and Rosalie's room first and was glad to see that they weren't in the bed anymore and that their made was actually made. I was not glad when I saw something peeking out from under the bed covers. When I pulled back the covers I saw a skimpy, ripped, disgusting little red suit and the mental image I got made me shudder.

I checked the other rooms and they were all empty as well. Even Renesmee's room was empty which worried me. She was only eight years old and she really shouldn't be unsupervised. Which brought me the uncomfortable thought that I should have been supervising her. No it really was Carlisle's I mean Dr. Cullen's fault.

Even though I had asked him to call me Ellen and I called him Carlisle in public and I wanted to keep calling him Dr. Cullen in my head in order to keep some distance between us. The kids would always be calling Mrs. Smith, I would never allow them to call me Ellen they didn't deserve that honour. Dr. Cullen shouldn't have left his little eight year old daughter at home event thought the same daughter had flown to Japan with only her twenty year old brother.

My worry increased when I walked the rest of the house and couldn't find Renesmee anywhere. Finally I stepped out onto the porch and saw Renesmee sitting on the lawn with a huge wolf like creature.

I screamed and ran back inside terrified that the wolf would reach me. I slammed the door behind myself and was suddenly consumed with guilt. I had left a little kid in the clutches of a terrible monster. I opened the door and peeked outside and saw that the wolf hadn't chased after me. Renesmee had gotten up and was trying to reach the wolf's nose to pat it. Was she crazy? Had her parents never told her about any dangers?

"Don't touch it Renesmee," I screeched. She turned towards me confusion all over her face. The huge wolf also turned its heads towards and its dark eyes seemed surprisingly human. No that was nonsense it was a mean monster and it was threatening my favourite Cullen member. Of course I still hated her though.

Then I ran back inside the house and grabbed a broomstick. Back out on the lawn I ran at the wolf with the broomstick.

"Get away from her! Go away you beast! Go away! Go away!" I screeched trying to poke the wolf with the broomstick. The wolf just looked at me curiously and didn't move at all. Then it opened its huge mouth and those savage teeth stole away all my courage. I ran back inside and slammed the door behind me.

I had failed at rescuing Renesmee. I didn't like her much and she was a Cullen after all. But I didn't want her to die. How bad would this episode make my family look? And how in the world would I explain this to Carlisle? I began crying. I couldn't believe that this was happening.

Renesmee walked into the door five minutes later accompanied by one of the camera men. She was busy arguing with him.

"Listen little girl you need to stay away from these animals. You don't understand how dangerous these animals are. I'll inform the sheriff about the wolf. They'll probably hunt it down," the man was saying to her.

"You have no clue do you. He would've never hurt me," Renesmee was arguing.

"Where did that wolf come from? We were only alerted by her screams?"

"Look I was fine. You weren't supposed to be interfering at all. Isn't that the point of this show?" The camera man was grumbling to himself about nasty little girls but he stepped back into the background.

I was so relieved at seeing Renesmee that I actually stepped forward and hugged her.

"Thank goodness you're alright," I said.

She hugged me back lightly and then stepped back.

"Thanks for trying to rescue me," she giggled and then looked at me weirdly.

I looked down at myself and noticed that in my hurry to get dressed I was still wearing my pyjama top. I was a bit embarrassed.

I scolded her for laughing at me and things went back to normal between us but I couldn't forget the moment when I had thought that Renesmee would be eaten by a wolf. I had been afraid for her.

Then finally we began with her lessons and throughout the day I was one again surprised at her excelled knowledge in all subjects.

I had an enjoyable time with Renesmee cooking lunch together and she ate a surprising amount of food for an eight year old. Then at about two during an English lesson the phone rang. I picked it up.

"Hello this is Ellen Smith," I said.

"Is this the Cullen's house?" an unfamiliar person asked.

"Yes. The Cullen's are participating in a programme called Wife Swap. Esme Cullen has swapped with me."

"Okay this is Evelyn I'm the school's receptionist. I wanted to inform you that Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, Bella."

I interrupted her there quickly. "Her name is Isabella."

"She's asked me and the whole school to call her Bella. Anyway she Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, Alice and Jasper didn't turn up for school today. If this happens two more times all of them will be suspended. Goodbye Mrs. Smith."

I stared at the phone in shock. They were skipping school again? What about finals? Renesmee came down the stairs then and I hurried over to her.

"Renesmee do you know where your siblings are?"

She just ignored me and walked to the kitchen. I grabbed onto her hand and turned her around to face me.

"Don't touch me," she hissed.

I flinched back with my hand. When I'd touched her hand a strange image had flashed through my mind. I had seen myself but it wasn't the usual image of myself. I didn't look as good as I usually did when I looked at myself. The expression on my face made me think of myself as well mean. The image disappeared as quickly as it had come and I blamed it on my lack of sleep. It had been a disturbing image.

"Where are your siblings?" I asked her again.

"At school," she answered but in her face I could see that she was hiding something.

"The school just called to say that they are absent," I informed her. As I spoke I saw comprehension dawn in her eyes.

"Shit, Emmett was supposed to call the school." Her face told me that that had just slipped out and she hadn't meant to tell me that. I was also shocked at her cursing.

"Renesmee Cullen, you will not use that language in this home. And what do you mean Emmett should've called the school?" I asked.

"Sorry, sorry. Bye." Renesmee turned her back on me and ran upstairs. I immediately ran after her and was surprised that the child actually was faster than me. She reached her room and slammed the door in my face before locking it.

I spent half an hour hammering on her door and shouting through it. I was astonished that she didn't come out. In my family my children would've never dared disobey any of my orders.

I could see that introducing discipline to this family would be very difficult. I would manage it though, of course. Sometime around three it began to rain my mood dropped even further.

Renesmee stayed in her room for the next two hours and finally I could hear the Cullen's cars on the driveway. I stood in front of the door leading to the garage with my hands on my hips. They came up the stairs looking like models for perfectly innocent angels.

They walked in and stopped when they saw me standing there.

"Where were you?" I asked them. Emmett and Alice seemed to be the only ones who had any clue about what was going on.

"School," Jasper answered.

"That's strange because I just received a call from your school. They say you weren't there today."

Rosalie turned on her husband and hit him on the head.

"You idiot! Why didn't you call them?" She sounded absolutely mad.

Emmett looked sheepish. "I thought it would annoy her," he said nodding towards me.

"Alice, why didn't you call them?" Jasper asked.

"Emmett blackmailed me. But now that she knows we can go get the bags from the car."

"We'll go get them," Edward offered and he and Isabella left the room before I could stop them. I had watched this quick exchange in astonishment. I was so confused and had so many questions.

"What do you mean that it was Emmett's turn?" I asked.

"It was Emmett's turn to call the school to say that we would be absent," Rosalie explained. It took me a while to take in their words. They took turns to say that they were absent?

"Where did you go? Why didn't you go to school?" I asked.

"We went to shop of course," Alice trilled just as Isabella and Edward walked back upstairs. Edward was carrying about twenty different bags while Isabella was only carrying one.

"Edward stop being so chivalrous. I can manage to carry some more bags," Isabella said. Edward mumbled a response that I couldn't understand and they both disappeared upstairs. I decided to just let them go. I had enough to deal with down here.

"Okay how come you take turns to call the school?" I asked them.

"Well no one wants to do it," Rosalie said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I just can't understand how you can just skip school," I told them.

"We skip school loads of times. Usually on sunny days we go camping with Carlisle and Esme but Carlisle had a lot to do at work today," Jasper said.

"But you have finals soon," I exclaimed.

"We will get the best grade in every subject. There's no doubt about that. It doesn't matter if we skip a bit of school," Rosalie said with her usual stuck up attitude.

"I, but, you can't just," I was too shocked to think of what to say. What was wrong with them? My children would never, ever behave anything like that. I just couldn't believe them at all. They all just walked past me and locked themselves in Rosalie and Emmett's room together. They were probably plotting something against me.

Carlisle came back home an hour later and I asked him to come to the living room with me. I needed to talk to him about today. He seemed a bit confused about what was wrong.

"How was your day Ellen?" he asked pleasantly.

"Well in the morning Renesmee almost got eaten by a huge russet coloured wolf." Carlisle wasn't shocked by my words at all.

"I'm sure she wasn't in real danger," he said. How could he not be worried about his daughter?

"And then," I continued, "the school called me to say that none of them were in school today." He looked a bit confused now.

"Didn't Emmett call in to say they weren't coming?" he asked. The question dumbfounded me. Did he not care that his children were skipping school?

"You knew they would be skipping school?" I asked. He looked a bit uncomfortable now.

"Alice was promised her shopping trip weeks ago. And it's not like they're going to learn anything else in school now," he said. His attitude annoyed me so much. It was unbelievable. I couldn't keep this conversation up and now I went upstairs to my room. Tomorrow everything would change. It would finally be time for the rule change.

AN: Please Review!


	17. Rule Change

AN: I was made aware of some inconsistencies in my story by a review so I went back and rewrote some things. Please tell me if you find anything else I would be happy to change it. Thank you again for your reviews they are much appreciated. I know that this chapter should be from Esme's POV but I decided to not write her chapter just yet because the Cullen's house is so much more fun.

Disclaimer: Je n'ai pas les droits de Twilight et Wife Swap.

Chapter 17

Ellen's POV

I woke in a great mood although I still wasn't used to the alarm clock. The day I had been waiting for had finally arrived. Not only was it Saturday but it was also time for the rule change. I got dressed in a hurry but made sure to look at myself before going downstairs. I would not repeat yesterday's mistakes.

When I saw that no one was in the kitchen and in the living room I walked back upstairs. I found that their rooms were also empty so I went to the huge game room on the fourth floor where, to my disappointment I found all of them playing some brutal shooting game on the largest TV.

The points on the side showed that Renesmee was winning with Emmett and Carlisle right behind her. None of them looked up when I cleared my throat and Renesmee even began shouting: "Die Emmett die."

"Uhm good morning," I said rather annoyed now. Carlisle looked up at me and then pressed the pause button on the console he was holding.

"Good morning Ellen." A pointed look at his children and they all repeated his greeting. I smiled sweetly.

"Could you please come downstairs so we can discuss the rule changes?"

"Why don't you just sit down on the sofa? Then we can talk about them here," Rosalie suggested. I sighed but sat down anyway. I had hoped that we would go downstairs and sit in the living room; it would've made it more formal and official for the episode. Then again I didn't want to start the inevitable fight now so I sat down reluctantly.

"Aren't you going to turn that game off?" I asked.

"But it's -," Emmett began to protest.

"Emmett it's just a game we'll play it later," Alice said. "And I can see that we'll play again later. If she lets us or not."

Emmett grinned broadly and Isabella leaned forward and turned off the television while Jasper collected all the remotes and put them in a box which he then put down on a shelf next to the TV.

"You most certainly will not. My first rule is that none of you is allowed to play any electronic games for the rest of the week."

All of the children groaned but Carlisle put up his hand.

"Let's let Ellen finish. You can tell her what you think about her rules when she is finished."

"But daddy," Emmett whined. Carlisle just raised an eyebrow and Emmett didn't say anything else once again shocking me with how respectful they were towards him. Maybe he hit them or something like that.

"Thank you Carlisle. My second rule is that none of you are allowed to go shopping or wear any of your own clothes. I will take you shopping this afternoon to get you some clothes that are appropriate."

Alice looked absolutely shocked at this but she didn't say anything. Jasper put his arms around her and rubbed her back soothingly. A rushing feeling of guilt suddenly overtook me and I fidgeted and straightened my skirt. Then the quilt vanished just as quickly as it had come.

"Now the next rule is very important to me," I continued, "I strongly believe that you are all much too young to be married and I have signed you up to see a councillor tomorrow. He is someone you can talk to about your marriages and he'll help you umm see reason shall we say. Also just if you're considering it you can always get a divorce." I smiled sweetly at them convinced that they would be relieved that I had found someone to help them at such a short notice.

Instead they just looked outraged. And despite Carlisle's warning they were suddenly all speaking and shouting at me. It was the first time I had seen any of them disobey anything Carlisle said. I must have really annoyed them. Oops. I couldn't understand a word it was all said much too quickly. The only person in the room who didn't seem to care was Jacob.

"Shut up," I yelled at them.

"Please be quiet so that Ellen can speak," Carlisle said in a completely normal voice. And of course there was silence again. Even though Carlisle hadn't said anything something in his face told me that he didn't agree with me on the last one.

"Next I have noticed that you have little or no interaction with the other students so I signed Isabella, Rosalie and Alice up for cheerleading. I found a local club for you that practices over the summer. Edward, Emmett and Jasper you'll be joining the soccer team."

This new rule didn't get a reaction so I knew they didn't really care much about it.

"Carlisle I would like you to return home before the children come from school so that you can spend some quality time as a family together. We will all be eating breakfast and dinner together and both meals will be prepared by one of the children. Renesmee I think you should meet and make friends with some children of you own age. You're going to be joining a second grade class for a week."

"Is that all?" Carlisle asked.

"Not quite yet. Just one more thing. All of the chores will now be done by the children. That's it," I said looking at them expectantly.

"Those rules are bullshit," Emmett shouted.

"I will not allow profanity in my house," I told him calmly.

"Daddy I don't want to go to school and do second grade work. That's boring and I did that already," Renesmee was saying looking at Edward.

"I can't do cheerleading. It's a horrible sport."

"Counselling? You're the one that needs counselling woman."

"What would you know about being a family?"

"The clothes you'll buy us will be hideous. I can't wear that. We can't wear that." The different protests began overlapping and Carlisle did nothing to stop them this time. I think he secretly agreed with some of them.

Giving up I got up from the sofa. "I'll be waiting downstairs to go shopping." Everyone ignored my words and they just kept on shouting.

I went downstairs and sat in a chair in the living room. I put my face in my hands. The constant shouting had given me a headache.

All of them walked downstairs five minutes later appearing surprisingly calm and in control. I looked at Carlisle.

"I think I can handle taking them shopping alone."

"Of course if you're sure. But I was wondering I could talk to you about your rules."

"Of course Carlisle."

"I'm not sure if I can make dinner every night. The people in the hospital need me."

"I'm sorry Carlisle but you're going to have to make a decision of who is more important to you. Your family or some strangers in the hospital."

"Ellen, my whole family completely understands that my job is very important to me."

"We're leaving now. Goodbye Carlisle." I walked out of the living room and down to the garage, where I stood in front of the cars unsure which one I would be driving in.

They children came downstairs as well and Emmett told me to get in the front of his car. I had insisted on driving and hadn't told them where we would be going to make sure that I would be getting my way.

When I started up the car Rosalie broke the silence that had begun to smother me.

"How can you disrespect Carlisle like that?" she asked. Her question filled me with confusion. I had no clue what she was going on about. I never disrespected Carlisle. Rosalie seemed to sense my confusion because she kept going.

"You just walked out while he was trying to have a rational conversation with you." Because I still didn't get her point I just ignored her and the rest of the drive passed in uncomfortable silence.

Upon our arrival at the large mall I led the kids to a shop I recognised.

"What is this crappy place?" Alice asked. Just then one of the two sales assistants came over to us. She was wearing a red T-shirt and a white skirt that matched the colours on the logo of the shop.

"Can I help you with anything?" she asked.

Before I could say anything Alice spoke up, "Do you have anything from Versace, Gucci or at least Diesel?" She sounded pretty desperate.

The sales woman shook her head regretfully. "I'm sorry but we do have a wide range of cheap, sturdy, practical and fashionable clothing for teenagers."

I smiled at the woman before politely saying, "We don't need your help. Goodbye." The woman went away and I went over to the boys section.

"Come on, we'll get the boy's stuff first."

"We'll be over at the girl's section getting our stuff," Rosalie announced haughtily before walking off. Alice, Isabella and Renesmee all followed her.

In the boy's section I found some lovely purple and yellow sweaters for the guys as well as some beige trousers. I even bought them socks because there was a sale on for 2 pairs of pea green socks for the price of one.

All of them grumbled and complained a lot even going as far as saying the clothing I bought was ugly. Jasper also muttered something about Alice killing him which made me want to laugh out loud. I assured all of them that as a lady I knew exactly what girls would find attractive.

In the girl's section I found all of them looking at bras and underwear. Rosalie, Alice and Isabelly had let Renesmee come with them!

Jasper, Edward and Emmett immediately went to their wives and they seemed to be choosing some things together. Jacob luckily had some sense left in him and he took Renesmee away to look at some T-Shirts.

I finally put a stop to the whole ridiculous thing grabbing the girls and telling them that I wouldn't be buying them any of that. When I wanted to go get stuff for them they told me that they already had everything picked out.

I looked at their choices and then held up a purple shirt with a swirly design in front of it. "Who does this belong to?" I asked them.

"Me," Isabella answered looking pissed off.

"The neckline is way too low and it looks very clingy. You can't wear that." I looked at the next piece in the pile and only then noticed how inappropriate every one of them was.

In the end I had to return everything they had picked and get them a new pile of clothing. When I was happy with everything we went back to the car with the two bags that Edward and Jasper carried. My husband never carried my bag for me.

Once again nobody talked to me on the drive back even though I was in the other car now. I did notice however that Renesmee, Edward, Jacob and Isabella seemed to be mumbling something to themselves. I would've said they were whispering but I didn't hear anything.

Once we were home I told Edward and Isabella that they would have to cook and the lasagne they made was fantastic. Apart from Jacob and Renesmee who wolfed down their food no one seemed to be eating any of it. They shoved it around on their plates with forks but that was all.

I went to bed early after instructing Emmett and Jasper on what cleaning up they had to do. It had been a relatively quiet day but I couldn't help but think that that would change tomorrow with the counsellor. Sighing I turned on to my other side and fell asleep.

AN: Thanks for reading and please review :)


	18. Choices

AN: Sorry for the wait, I'll try to make my updates more regularly I've just had a lot of homework and things like that to do.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap.

Chapter 18

Esme's POV

The last few days had passed in the boredom that comes with a life that is completely planned out. But now it was finally the day of rule change and after another long night of phone calls I got about half an hour before Phillip and Ine.

To start the rule changes off on a good note I had decided to cook breakfast for the family and hopefully put Joe in a more agreeable mood. I made eggs, bacon, coffee and tea and I had the table set and everything done by the time the kids came downstairs.

Ine rubbed her eyes, still sleepy, "You didn't have to do that Esme. It's our job."

"It isn't your job anymore Ine, I'm going to be cooking and doing the chores from now on. Could you please get your father so that we can discuss the other rule changes?"

She smiled at me and then left the kitchen while Phillip eyed the food hungrily. "Did you sleep well?" he asked politely.

I laughed. "Yes my night was good. Thank you. What about yours?"

"I'm a bit tired. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall asleep again." He did look pretty tired but before I could ask him what woke him up Joe entered the room.

"Morning Esme," he grunted. He pulled out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table. I told Ine and Phillip to sit down as well and served them their food.

"It looks really good. Thank you very much Esme," Joe said politely.

They all began to eat while I hid some of my food in my napkin and split the rest of it into tiny pieces which I proceeded to shove around on my plate so it looked like I'd actually eaten something. When they'd finished and put their plates in the dishwasher they all sat down and looked at me expectantly.

"You all know that today is rule change day," I began.

They all nodded at me.

"Now I want you to know that I'm not going to make you do anything against your will. I would like you to try to follow some of my suggestions but if you are completely opposed to them I can't and won't force you to do anything," I said.

"Sounds good," Joe agreed. I could see that he was secretly glad to be able to refuse some of my changes.

"First of I will be taking over all the cooking in the house and I'll be doing all of the cleaning. This way Ine and Phillip will have more free time. If they want to they're allowed to spend this time on the computer or watching TV."

The children seemed to be very happy with this rule change. It looked like they were both trying hard to keep the smiles of their faces probably following prior instructions from one of their parents.

"I'm sorry Esme but I object to that rule," Joe interrupted.

I had anticipated this. "With your permission I will install a censorship program online to make sure that Ine and Phillip won't go on any inappropriate websites and I'll make sure to always be in the room when they decide to watch TV. Would that work for you Joe?"

He contemplated my suggestion but apparently could find nothing wrong with it. "Yes, yes that's fine I guess," he mumbled hesitantly.

"Next I'd like to give Phillip the opportunity to quit football if he would like that and if either of them want to drop student council or if Ine wants to drop cheerleading or flute lessons she can do that to. Phillip can of course stop playing the saxophone if he wants to."

"That's impossible Esme. They can't drop those clubs. They are an important part of their lives and of their learning. When they start again after you've left they'll be behind." Joe looked raging mad. His head had turned red yet I had a feeling that the words he was saying weren't actually his. Like his wife had told him this as well.

"Could I, could I maybe start Aikido?" Phillip soundly asked out of nowhere. Joe immediately turned on his son.

"You're supporting her rules? How can you do this? You know how important those clubs are. You are learning so much from them," he exclaimed.

"I'll learn a lot from Aikido as well. My friend Tom in school does it and from what he's been telling me it's really useful and a lot of fun."

"You might get hurt," Joe argued.

"And I won't get hurt playing football? Dad I hate the sport. It's just not my thing."

"Okay fine. Go ahead. Do Aikido. And whatever else you want to do."

"Dad?" Ine began hesitantly, "Can I do Aikido with Phillip."

Joe didn't even look at his daughter. I think he was really upset and was probably under the illusion that his children were siding with me against him.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Anything else Esme?"

"Yes Joe and this concerns you. I would like to introduce something we often do in our family. Family game night. We'll spend one evening this week playing games together as a family. How about Tuesday?"

"Yes that'll work," he said.

"And finally I'd like to ask for your permission Joe to remodel the kids' rooms with them. I think they should give the rooms some personal touches."

"Fine," Joe said sullenly. Then he walked to the front door, ripped it open, stepped outside and slammed it behind himself.

Ine and Phillip didn't even take notice of their dad leaving.

"Can we really redecorate our room?"

"Can I out posters up?"

"I hate playing the flute. I'm no good at it. Are you sure I can just quit? Just like that?"

I laughed delighted at their enthusiasm.

"We'll talk about all of that later. For now how about you go round to one of your friends houses. Would you like that?"

They both nodded and left to call their friends. They were outside of the house five minutes later. About fifteen minutes after they'd left Joe returned.

"Esme I want to apologize for my behaviour," he mumbled.

"It's okay Joe. I understand."

"No Esme please let me explain. It's just, seeing my children being so happy. It made me think that maybe we are raising them wrong. And you're just someone who's only been here for a few days and you already recognised what my children really want. I want to make my children happy."

"You can do that Joe," I told him. This was a very surprising turn of events. I hadn't expected this from Joe.

"I don't know, I want to try."

"I'm sure you'll do a great job Joe."

"Thank you Esme."

AN: And that's it. I'm sorry it's not a very long chapter but Esme's POV isn't half as fun as writing about what's happening with the Cullens. This is probably going to be the last chapter at the Smith's house with Esme there; Ellen's next chapter should be up soon.

Please review!


	19. Counselling

AN: Thanks for the reviews! Here's another chapter, hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap.

Chapter 19

Ellen's POV

_The black unconsciousness I had fallen into was suddenly interspersed with golden flashes. I was in a corn field, high stalks surrounding me in both sides. The sun was beating down from above me and I could feel the sweat beginning to form on my skin. A sense of déjà vu flooded me as once again I was filled with an irresistible urge to run. _

_And yet this time when the familiar golden eyes flashed around me the dream didn't end. The familiar feeling of panic and dread filled me once again. The field morphed into a wheat field and the sky above me turned black with angry clouds. Rain began beating down on me and I was shivering with the cold._

_A flash of lightning broke the sky and when I frantically looked around again I saw that they had surrounded me. Horror washed over me. Carlisle, Isabella, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice laughed before closing in on me. They came closer and closer still laughing their bell like clear laughter._

I woke up with a scream still shivering from the cold of the rain.

Just a dream, it was just a dream, I told myself. If I let anyone see that they sometimes, rarely, evoked fear in me I would never be able to control them.

That's when I realised that the cold and wetness wasn't just a memory from the dream. I was wet, soaked in a yellow fluid. For one second I thought that maybe I'd actually wet the bed but the next second I became aware of the smell. Or rather the lack thereof. The liquid on my bed was probably water with food colour.

"Come in here now," I screeched not caring what time it was.

A minute later all of the Cullens filed into my room and burst out laughing at the sight of me. I probably should've gotten the liquid off me but I'd been so angry. Shit. The camera men just walked through the door. Quickly, explain this. I would not be the "woman who wet her bed" on wife swap.

"How could you do this?" I asked them seething with rage.

"Do what?" Emmett asked innocently. My intuition flared. He was in on it. Okay so maybe it wasn't my intuition but the big grin on his face but that's beside the point.

"Did we force you to drink too much water?" Rosalie sneered.

"This isn't, I didn't wet the bed," I protested.

"Yes. It doesn't look like that. It seems to be water and food colour," Carlisle interjected, looking at the liquid closely. I could've said that myself. It was so rude of him to just interrupt me.

"Who did this?" I asked looking at the children.

No one said anything.

I tried again. "Whoever tells me will receive five dollars from me." I wouldn't actually give them the money of course but once they'd said it they couldn't take it back.

"Let's see. This is a hard one. Get five dollars from you or wait I have a credit card and a bank account which has a few million times that amount," Alice said. I was distracted by the maths for a moment and after I'd figured it out shocked. She had that much money in her bank account?

"Who was it? Tell me," Carlisle said sternly and once again I really didn't need the help.

"It was a joint operation," Jasper said.

"Alice and I got the food colour," Renesmee admitted.

"Rosalie and Emmett dripped the water all over her while Edward and I got the water," Bella finished.

"Apologize now. All of you," Carlisle said giving them disappointed looks.

They all mumbled a chorus of "sorry" sounding not at all sincere.

"You are now in charge of the house, so what do you want to do with them?" Carlisle asked. Wonderful. The one time where I don't know what to say, he tells me to say something. The problem was I had never had behaviour like this from any of my children. I really didn't have a clue of how to deal with it.

"We will discuss your behaviour later when I've decided on punishments."

"Yes ma'am," Emmett shouted, snapping to attention. I ignored him. It was only morning and I was already so tired of all of them.

"Now get out. I need to get changed and I'll meet all of you downstairs in fifteen minutes."

They left and lovely quiet filled my room: I lay back down in my bed and relaxed. Then I happened to look at the watch and saw that there was only half an hour left until our appointment.

I rushed into the shower and then quickly changed into a dress in order to make a good impression on the councillor. I made Jacob promise he'd take good care of Renesmee as he would be babysitting her for today.

We left the house in a hurry without breakfast and arrived at the councillor's office five minutes later.

The office was located in a large grey building. The sign next to the door bell said: "Dr. Ryan Saunders Marriage and Divorce Councillor." It was a perfect the Dr would never tell the children how to improve their marriages like a marriage councillor would this one could tell them to get a divorce.

We all walked in through the sliding glass doors and came to a relatively small room where a secretary was typing away at her computer. She looked up when we came in and admired the beauty of all of us.

I looked at the children as well and saw that although they were wearing the clothes I had chosen for them they had accessorized them so much that they almost looked like their usual clothes. Oh joy another thing to discuss when we came home.

"Good morning. What can I do for you?" the secretary asked.

"These are the Cullens and I'm accompanying them today. I made an appointment with you."

She clicked a few things in her computer and then evidently having found the appointment looked up. "Yes. The doctor will be ready for you shortly. Could you please wait in the waiting room?"

The secretary showed us to a waiting room where, seated on one of the many chairs, a black haired man and a blonde girl were already waiting.

Music was playing over the speakers and on a small desk were pamphlets like "A way to a happy marriage" and "What does marriage really mean?"

A few minutes later the secretary popped her head into the waiting room and called: "Dr. Saunders will see you now."

We walked into a room that looked like a mix between a classroom and a conference room. There was a large whiteboard on the wall and a round table with chairs around it in the middle of the room. Seated in one of the chairs was Dr. Saunders.

He was a middle aged man with brown hair and brown eyes and currently bent over a stack of papers.

Carlisle cleared his throat.

Dr Saunders looked up. "Ah you must be the Cullens. Please, have a seat."

We all sat down around the table.

"So first let us figure out the relationship between all of you."

"I'm Carlisle and these are my adopted children. Edward who is married to Bella, Rosalie who is married to Emmett and Alice who is married to Jasper."

"And you are?" the doctor asked pointing at me.

"I'm Ellen Smith. Our families are participating in the program Wife Swap and I'm swapping with Esme Cullen for two weeks."

"Can you explain how exactly the relationship between your children started Mr Cullen?"

"He's actually Dr. Cullen," I informed the clueless Dr. Saunders.

"My apologies, Dr. Cullen then," Dr Saunders corrected himself.

"We adopted all of our children at different ages. Most of them didn't grow up together and as teenagers they began to date. We accepted it because we could see their love and because none of them are actually related. We were only informed of the marriage last minute but Esme and I decided that it was the right decision for them to make."

"Okay. Now if I understood Mrs. Smith correctly you are here to get a divorce," he said.

That statement was met with loud protests from everyone.

"Doctor Saunders that's not what I meant. What I really wanted to say is that I think they should get a divorce. It's wrong. They're family," I said.

"They are adopted Mrs. Smith," Dr Saunders said.

"Yes I know, but still," I protested.

"Dr. Cullen and Mrs Smith would you mind waiting outside so I can talk to your children alone seeing as it is their marriage we're discussing?"

Carlisle immediately answered, "Of course if you prefer it to be that way."

I was outraged. "I cannot leave the room. This session was all planned out by me. I need to stay in the room."

Dr Saunders shrugged, "Okay then Mrs Smith can stay if she must although I would prefer it if she wouldn't. The same goes for Dr Cullen of course."

"Children do you want me to stay or go?" Carlisle asked.

All of them answered that it didn't matter to them either way.

"Well then I'll go outside if you prefer it that way Dr. Saunders. Please be honest as much as you can, you might benefit from this session after all," he said and left the room.

"I want to do an activity with you guys where one of you tells me about the marriages of another couple. Let's start with Rosalie and Alice and Jasper."

"Alice knew she was going to fall in love with Jasper before she met him. And when they did meet it was love at first site and they married soon after. Jasper's calm nature balances out Alice's hyper one perfectly," Rosalie said and I was surprised. Kind words from Rosalie? That was something new?

Dr Saunders was busily writing down notes.

"Okay thank you. Alice would you describe Edward and Bella's relationship please?"

"That's a hard one. Edward and Bella dated for a long time. Then um there was a problem and Edward left her. Edward somehow thought that Bella died so he tried to kill himself, Bella saved him and they got married. The end," she said chirpily.

"What problem was that exactly?" Dr Saunders asked. He was already on the second page of notes.

"Jasper tried to kill her," Emmett said quickly.

"And that is why I said this family is crazy," I murmured to myself.

Dr Saunders raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Is that true Jasper?"

Now Bella interfered, "It was an accident Dr and I've forgiven Jasper completely."

She had forgiven him even though he had tried to kill her? And how had he tried to kill her? And why? The doctor looked very uncomfortable with this subject, obviously lunatics weren't his forte.

"Umm let's leave that topic for a moment and continue. Bella would you please describe Rosalie and Emmett's relationship?"

"Emmett and Rosalie are very umm open in their relationship-"

Jasper interrupted her, "What she's trying to say is that they have sex everywhere."

Dr Saunders looked at Emmett and Rosalie. "Is that accurate?"

"Yep pretty much," Emmett answered while Rosalie nodded.

Dr Saunders was more hesitant with the next question. "Emmett, Rosalie could you each tell me what things you like about each other that aren't physical."

"Doctor are you insinuating that the relationship between Emmett and me is only physical?" Rosalie asked in the scornful tone I'd gotten so used to.

"No of course not. I'd just like you to tell me three features you like most about each other."

"Sure. I love how Rosalie is intelligent and how she's stubborn and I love that she always says what she thinks and I love her for loving and understanding me," Emmett answered and I could tell that the doctor was surprised. I was surprised to. It wasn't an answer I'd expected from someone like Emmett.

"I love Emmett because he makes me see the fun in life, because he can always make me smile and because he is the one person who truly understands me. That clear things up doctor?" Rosalie asked.

"Are all of you comfortable discussing intercourse with your siblings here?" Dr Saunders asked. "It's an important part of a relationship especially in young marriages."

"Sex, sex, sex, protection is the key, or you'll get a baby like Bella and Eddie," Emmett began whispering quietly. Too quietly for anyone to hear but the vampires in the room.

Alice suddenly burst out laughing and Edward cried, "No Bella don't."

Then Isabella launched herself across her chair and landed on Emmett. The chair tipped backwards and they both landed on the floor in a rather provocative position.

"Um we'll end today's session with that. I'd like to see you again tomorrow. And before tomorrow's session I'd like you Bella and Emmett to think about how exactly you feel about each other.

AN: And that's it for now. Please review!


	20. Secrets

AN: Happy (very) late Halloween everybody! Thank you so much for the reviews, I can't believe I have over 200 you guys are awesome! And once again sorry for the long wait I was on Autumn Break without my computer...

Disclaimer: Still don't own the Twilight Saga or Wife Swap.

Chapter 20

Dr. Saunders' POV

Unfortunately it was time for my second session with the problematic Cullen family. I quickly revised what I'd managed to figure out during the last session.

All of the young adults gave me the impression of being very mature for their age while Mrs. Smith just seemed to wish them ill.

Jasper, well the first thing that sprung to mind with him had to be the conversation concerning his murder attempt on Bella. How had it occurred? I mean it wasn't that easy for a teenager to attempt to murder his sister short from holding a gun or a knife to her throat. Then there was the question of the motivations behind it as well as the fact that none of the other family members seemed very concerned by the fact they had someone capable of murder in their midst. It was also surprising that the parents hadn't reported the incident to the police, or at least gone to counselling much sooner. Who knew if it was safe for Bella and the others to live in a house with Jasper? Apart from his murder attempt Jasper seemed pretty normal after our first conversation if somewhat emotionally withdrawn. He seemed like he tried to keep himself from expressing too much emotion.

Alice seemed to be his opposite. Possibly that was why they had started dating. Her personality was more outgoing than Jaspers; she seemed like a perky cheerful person who probably should watch her sugar and caffeine intake.

Rosalie. Well the first thing one had to notice looking at Rosalie was her extreme beauty. Even though they were all undeniably attractive with impeccable features apart from shadows under their golden eyes, Rosalie's beauty still stood out. Her words concerning her sister's marriage made her seem like a romantic to me but her relationship with Emmett...well... I wasn't sure yet hiding her true feelings behind lust and bodily desires might be an accurate description yet I got the feeling she truly loved him. It was something I would have to follow up on.

Emmett reminded me of a little child in some ways. Boisterous, loud, firm handshake. Was he as confident as he seemed or was he hiding some inner conflict? Was his relationship with Rosalie part of the reason for his personality? Was he hiding feelings for Bella?

Edward was more difficult to figure out. He barely said anything yet he seemed secure in his feelings for Bella and hers for him. The fact he'd attempted suicide after hearing of her death and his motivations for leaving her were two more topics I would have to explore. I had a feeling these sessions would go on for a long time. Maybe long enough so I could finally afford that pool my wife's wanted for ages.

Then finally Bella. She had seemed like the normal girl. Until she had launched herself at Emmett. I was almost certain she had feelings for him and had thrown herself at him in a moment of passion. I was unsure if she preferred Emmett over Edward however it was something she would have to admit to herself and talk about with both of the guys. I just hoped that this wouldn't be an initiative for Edward to attempt to take his life again.

A knocking at the door interrupted my thoughts.

"Come in," I called.

My secretary opened the door and looked inside.

"The Cullens are here," she said.

"In what mood are they today?" I asked her anxiously. I was more nervous about this meeting than any of my other sessions in my whole career.

"They're perfect," she said dreamily.

I sighed. She obviously had a crush on one of them.

"They are also married," I reminded her. "Please send them in."

"I know Dr. Saunders. Of course Dr. Saunders," she said blushing.

A minute later my secretary opened the door of my office for the Cullens and the all filed in. Dr. Cullen didn't seem to have accompanied them today but Mrs. Smith was with them once again something I thought was unnecessary.

"Hello Dr. Saunders," Emmett boomed.

The others said their hellos as well and I turned to Mrs Smith ready to give her my rehearsed speech. Unfortunately she started talking before I could.

"When are you going to tell these children to get a divorce, I mean give them some advice?"She asked crossing her arms across her chest. She really was beginning to irritate me. Why was she so keen on breaking them up?

"Well I need to get to know all of the children first before I can really advise them in their marriages. And in order to do that I would like you to sit in the chair by the window over there from where you can observe. I'd also like to ask you not to speak throughout the session, it could distract them."

Mrs Smith obviously wasn't happy with this request at all yet with a lot of huffing she got up and shuffled over to the other chair giving me angry glares all the while. So far so good.

"Now I'd like all of you but Bella and Emmett to leave the room. You can wait in the waiting room until I call you back in."

They all got up as well and gracefully floated out of the room setting a stark contrast against Mrs. Smith.

Bella and Emmett remained in their seats both looking at me. While Emmett looked open, a glint of mischief in his eye Bella's gaze was almost challenging.

"I want both of you to recount what happened at the end of yesterday's session. Why don't you begin, Bella?"

"Emmett and I had a deal from a long time ago that he'd never make fun of me and Edward. Recently however he's started breaking that deal and he's been at us for weeks, 24/7 really. Yesterday he made another comment and it was just so annoying. I wanted to push Emmett off his chair but Alice pushed me and we both ended up on the floor."

The response made sense yet I hadn't seen Alice touch Bella at all and I hadn't heard anything.

"Emmett?" I asked.

"Dr. I have a confession to make," he said with a serious face.

"Go ahead," I told him wondering what could possibly be uncovered now.

"Bella only married Edward for one reason," he said a grin starting to spread across his face.

"And that would be?" I asked. It was obvious he was trying to draw this out as long as he could to make Bella suffer.

"Edward refused to sleep with her before they got married and she desperately wanted him."

Could that really be the reason? Rosalie and Emmett were the ones who had admitted to a having a very sexual relationship and Bella's behaviour just didn't seem to fit.

"Dr Saunders," Bella interrupted my thoughts, "I'm not comfortable discussing this with her in the room," she glared at Mrs. Smith, "if you want me to talk about anything you're going to have to make her leave."

I was somewhat relieved at her statement, finally an excuse to get rid of her.

"Mrs Smith I'm afraid you have to leave."

"No."

"You are here to support and help these young adult right?" I asked her. She suddenly seemed very conscious of the camera men around her glancing at them quickly.

"Yes of course I'll leave," she said in a sickly sweet voice.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave too," I told the cameramen. "If a patient asks for privacy you must give it to them."

They nodded turned off the cameras and all bustled out of the room. Immediately I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my chest. No more worrying about looking my best on TV. My wife had made a great fuss about the whole thing this morning and made me wear my best suit that I usually only wore to church.

"Now where were we?" I asked looking over my last few notes. "Ah yes Emmett you think Bella only married Edward for sex?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "It's obvious don't you see. Now that she's experienced how bad he is in bed she wants me."

Bella hit him so fast I almost missed it.

"That's completely absurd and you know it Emmett. I married Edward because I love him and I'd never wanted you."

"Ouch that hurt Bella," Emmett exclaimed.

"When we get home Emmett you are so dead."

"Already am sis."

"When we get home you'll be wishing you were truly dead. You know six feet under dead."

"Been there done that."

"Fine then I'll rip your head and your arms off and start burning them."

I watched their exchange in silence getting more confused by each retort.

"Sorry to interrupt but what do you mean with you're already dead Emmett?" I finally asked.

"Emmett thinks he's a dead person who's walking around," Bella answered for him.

"Is that true Emmett? Do you think you're a zombie?"

"I'm a mythical creature, it's true," he nodded with a serious face.

Bella elbowed him and he burst out laughing.

"Don't worry doc I don't need to be committed, besides if I'd have to go to the loony bin I'd take my whole family along for the ride."

"What he means is that it's just a family joke," Bella clarified.

A somewhat strange family joke but Bella seemed like she was telling the truth. That r she should consider a career in acting.

"Okay then I'd like to ask you something Bella. Have you ever done anger management or considered it?"

I hadn' t missed the many times she had hit Emmett during this session.

"No. I'm usually a calm and rational person. It's only Emmett who makes me hit people. He's jst so childish."

"Okay. Emmet what exactly did you say to Bella yesterday?"

"I wrote a beautiful song to her it went "Sex, sex, sex, protection is the key, or you'll get a baby like Bella and Eddie." It was quite brilliant actually. I'm working on another verse."

Now my head was truly spinning. A baby? No one had mentioned a baby.

"Bella are you pregnant?" I asked her.

"No," she answered.

"Did you get an abortion?"

"No of course not."

"Has your baby been born?"

"Yes."

"Then where is he or she and why didn't you mentioned a baby before? This is important. Why wasn't I told about this?"

"My daughter is living with lovely foster parents and I see her very often. After I have a good job and a steady income she'll live with me and Edward. Mrs. Smith doesn't know about her and my family knows that I'd prefer to keep it private. And you're not allowed to tell anyone so it's perfect."

"How did you get pregnant?"

"Do you really need me to explain to you how sex works?" she asked very sarcastically. "I thought you were married."

I flushed with embarrassment something a reaction none of my other patients had managed to receive.

"No of course not. I mean how could it have happened? Wait Emmett you don't need to hear this. Please send Edward in when you go outside."

Emmett left still cheerfully whistling the tune to his "sex, sex, sex" song obviously satisfied with himself.

Edward came in shortly afterwards and after giving Bella a quick kiss on the cheek he sat down beside her. As soon as he entered Bella's whole facial expression changed. A smile flashed across her face and her eyes lit up. It seemed like she really did love him.

"Now Edward we were just talking about your daughter. Why weren't you guys using protection?"

"We thought it was impossible that it would happen to us," Bella answered.

I sighed. Such a typical teenager response. They never thought all the stories about teenage pregnancies would affect them.

"Okay I think we have talked about enough during this session. I want you two to remember to be more careful and always use protection during intercourse. Tell the others outside that I'm sorry they came here for no reason."

"We will."

"Oh and also tell them to arrange a double session tomorrow. It'll probably be your last session, I will be talking to each of the couples separately before talking to all of you as a group. Tell Mrs. Smith that you'll receive her oh so sought after advice."

"Of course."

"Oh and one last thing. Tell the camera men they don't even have to bother being here until the second part of the session. They can film the final advice if the want to, with your permission of course, but they will be excluded from the couples part of the session.

"We'll do all of that. Goodbye Dr. Saunders, " Edward said.

"See you tomorrow."

Yes tomorrow. I was not looking forward to that at all. No other patients of mine had managed to tire me out so much and my head was throbbing. I felt like there was an important part to this puzzle that made up the family dynamic that I was completely clueless about.

I pressed the button on the intercom.

"Laura please bring me an Advil."

"Yes of course Dr. Right away."

I sighed and looked at my ten pages of notes. How in the world was I going to get through my two other sessions today?

AN: And there you go another chapter. Please review, reviews apart from making me really, really happy also make me update quicker... :)


	21. Murderers?

AN: I'm really, really sorry for not updating any sooner, things at school are hectic. I promise I'll try to update more often.

Disclaimer: The only time you will ever see the words "I own the Twilight Saga and Wife Swap" is if there is a "do" before and a "not" after the word own.

Chapter 21

Dr. Saunder's POV

At home, after two soothing and relaxing sessions with patients who weren't the Cullens (a depressed girl and a suicidal man), I logged on to our family computer.

From there I went on the internet immediately going to Facebook. It was highly unlikely nowadays for any teenager in this country not to have a Facebook account and it was even rarer for said teenagers to block any of their profile from the public. This was something I did with all of my patients; a online profile often gave me a different insight into their character.

So one by one I typed all of the teenager's names in the search box. Yet every time I came up with a complete blank. Nothing. Unless they had used completely different names none of them owned a Facebook account which was strange.

I briefly wondered how else the communicated with their friends and if it was their parents influence that kept them from creating an online profile for themselves. Although he hadn't seemed like the type maybe Carlisle was one of those controlling parents that kept their children away from anything that could possibly "lead them astray".

I looked over my notes again. No we hadn't talked about their friends. I decided that this would be one of the things we would discuss today.

I opened up Google instead and began typing in their names again; looking to see if maybe they had other online accounts or if one of them kept a blog.

Again nothing came up until I typed in the last name. "Jasper Whitlock".

The first link was entitled "Family History: Jasper Whitlock".

I clicked on it and waited for the page to load. When it finally came up it was a simple website, the Sam Anderson 7PH immediately giving away that this website had been created for a school project. I skimmed over the text, the assignment had apparently been to find out an interesting story about a family member. At that point I almost gave up reading yet something urged me to continue.

The family member Sam had chosen was Jasper Whitlock who was his great, great, great step something. Jasper had apparently lived in Texas and joined the Confederate Army in 1861 and quickly became a very important person before mysteriously disappearing in 1863. Sam had interviewed his father.

I scrolled down further until I found a picture. It was old and blurry and black and white of course. The picture showed to soldiers laughing into the camera. The caption said "Major Jasper Whitlock and Thomas Greene."

I frowned at the picture. The similarities to my patient Jasper Whitlock were uncanny. The same basic features except less sharp and angular. I clicked on the picture attempting to zoom in.

Immediately the whole website disappeared only leaving behind an error message reading: "Error the website you requested is no longer available."

Hmm strange. I turned off the computer grabbed my notes for the session and walked to the door to get my jacket. After calling a quick goodbye to my wife I left the house and drove to my office.

When I arrived I entered through the back door, something I always did before my receptionist with the same dreamy expression informed me that the Cullens were here. In return I told her to ask Rosalie and Emmett to come into my office and to ask the others to wait for a while.

When Rosalie first entered the office I was stunned, her beauty overwhelming me. Quickly I redirected my thoughts to my wife, to the twenty happy years that we had spent together. When I looked back up again Emmett had also entered the room and he was glaring at me. Were my thoughts that obvious?

Ignoring his glare I tried to act normal. "Good morning. How are you two today?"

"Wondeful, great, brilliant. Just like we've been for every day of our marriage," Rosalie answered looking down at her nails, which of course had a perfect manicure.

"Exactly. I'm assuming that's all. You are very welcome for our time," Emmett said. Then they actually both got up from the chairs they were sitting on.

That threw me for a minute. They couldn't just leave! "No wait, our session is nowhere near done," I said flustered, they were almost out the door.

They both turned around feigning surprise. "Well why didn't you say so?" Rosalie asked.

I ignored that and gestured to the chairs. "Please sit down." Luckily they both did. I sighed. I would not lose my temper. I could do this.

"Why don't you both begin by telling me how you met?"

"When we first met I was covered by blood," Emmett began.

"And it wasn't only his own," Rosalie continued in a spooky voice.

Blood whose blood? What had Emmett done? He couldn't have killed someone, right?

"What happened?" I asked, annoyed to hear a small, frightened tremble in my voice.

"Oh I was hunting and a bear came after me," Emmett said cheerfully.

"It almost killed him. He was lucky I found him," Rosalie added.

"Yep or I'd be dead now. And we'd all be very, very sad. Seriously though I was pretty pissed that the bear managed to take me down."

Okay it was a strange first meeting but at least he hadn't killed someone right?

"I bet you thought I killed someone," Emmett said grinning.

I hastily covered my notes where I'd scrawled _Murderer?_

"I'm asking the questions here. What happened after that?"

"Rosalie carried me down the mountain and then Carlisle treated me until I got better. We fell in love. We got married. The end," Emmett said.

"Please don't leave," I said quickly very well aware I sounded desperate. But hey, I got paid by the hour and last time they'd said something like this and left.

This time however they both shot me strange looks clearly not planning on leaving.

"Rosalie weren't you freaked out by the blood all over Emmett. Why didn't you call an ambulance? How in the world did you manage to carry Emmett all that way?"

"No. No connection on my cell. Easy," Rosalie answered obviously bored by this conversation.

"Doesn't your wife get freaked out when she wakes up next to you in the morning?" Emmett mumbled to himself clearly not intending me to overhear.

I would ignore that. I would not lose control. I won't try to strangle to grinning fool. I wouldn't think of my wife telling me I was boring. Next question, next question. What else could I ask them?

"Rosalie what happened to you in your past?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked but I knew I had her. This was the trump up my sleeve. The fact that Mrs. Smith had informed me that both Rosalie and Alice had parts of their past they refused to share. Of course she'd wanted me to find out the truth and then pass it onto her but I'd never do that.

"I know you did something illegal in your past." I was just guessing now, I had no idea if she'd ever done anything illegal.

"Oh that, yeah I murdered a few people but that's not really important. Emmett doesn't mind and we're supposed to be talking about our relationship right now. You don't mind right?" she asked turning to Emmett.

"Of course not," he said kissing her on the lips. "Besides it isn't murder those pigs deserved. What I did on the other hand," he trailed off.

"Don't blame yourself Emmett I know you couldn't help yourself. It's not your fault," she said.

"Haha funny, great joke," I said weakly trying to smile at them. I couldn't help shuddering when they'd mentioned murder, their expressions had been disconcerting at the least._ You're afraid of them_, a small voiceat the back of my mind whispered but I shoved that voice away. They still hadn't responded.

"You were joking right?" I asked nervously. They wouldn't accept murderers on Wife Swap.

"Right," the responded simultaneously yet they weren't very convincing.

Or was I just losing my mind? I mean suspecting two teenagers of murder? Sure it happened all the time but I'd heard of Dr Cullen and everyone always allotted him the highest praise. Surely not his kids? But Jasper had admitted to almost killing Bella...

"Excuse me I need a minute," I said and fled out of my office.

AN: And that's it for now. Please review and tell me what you think. Seriously review! I know you want to :)


	22. Second Grade

AN: Hi guys, I was blown away by all of your reviews thank you so much. I just returned from a week of skiing which was awesome, but pretty cold (like -20 Degrees Celsius cold) so I thought why not write another chapter!

Disclaimer: As always I don't and never will own the Twilight Saga or Wife Swap.

Chapter 22

Reneesme's POV

I got up in the morning, earlier than I usually did although that didn't bother me all that much. I didn't need much sleep anyway, although I did need some, to my constant annoyance. It wasn't fair that everyone else my family (apart from Jake of course) had the whole night to stay awake as well.

But anyway I'm getting off track here. I had to get up earlier because today was my first day of second grade. Joy to the world! (Insert sarcastic eye roll here) I couldn't believe I actually had to go, I mean come on, I was going to be so bored. Ellen (I would refuse to call her Mrs Smith, it was too respectful anyway and right now I had no respect for her) had another thing coming if she thought I was actually going to participate and I make friends.

I sighed. Dad would be mad if he were reading my thoughts right now, I guess it was Rose and Uncle Emmett rubbing off on me. He had always told me to at least try to respect everyone and he could always make sure I did. It was annoying sometimes, especially when I was thinking about my secrets but he couldn't help it. I know he tried to give me as much privacy as possible and I had learnt to keep my most private thoughts to myself.

But they were all gone right now, a shrink picking through their brains before cheerleading and soccer practice. I almost felt sorry for them.

I grabbed the clothes Auntie Alice had lain out for me, that being a battle I'd lost long ago and noted that they were a whole size bigger than they had been last week. I'd have to remind Mum and Dad to start talking about me going through a growth spurt so that Ellen wouldn't be suspicious. We'd already planned that I'd pretend to be sick in bed when the cameras returned so that no one would notice how much I will have grown. It was tiresome ageing this quickly but there really wasn't anything I could do about it.

Downstairs in the kitchen I scrambled some eggs, one of the only human foods I liked before bringing another plate up to Jake who was still asleep. I snuck into his room and put the plate on his nightstand. He was supposed to be driving me but hey, if he didn't wake up in time it wasn't my fault.

I settled down on the couch with a book I was reading, not daring to turn on the TV in case the noise would wake Jake and stuck my tongue out at the cameraman who was making hand motions clearly trying to get me to talk about something. They'd probably edit that anyway so who cares?

About half an hour later, however, the door opened and an angry looking Ellen stalked into the room. The moment she saw me she looked even madder.

"Why are you still here? Jacob was supposed to bring you to school ten minutes ago," she fumed.

I looked at her with faked innocence on my face. That expression came easy to me.

"Jake is still asleep. He looked sick, I think he might be coming down with something and I didn't want to wake him. After all his health is more important than me making a few friends," I said trying to maintain a straight face. Unfortunately I didn't manage and she didn't look very happy when I exploded with laughter.

"You Renesmee Cullen will not talk down to me. Your parents, were they normal people, would not be very impressed with your behaviour right now," she half shouted.

Oh so that's the way it's going to be? I thought. Well bring it on Ellen. I screwed up my face knowing that to Ellen it would look like I was about to cry.

"It's, it's not my fault my parents are seeing a shrink," I whispered.

Now Ellen looked confused. "Esme and Carlisle are seeing a shrink?" she asked. I could see how this new piece of information delighted her. Stupid gossiping bitch!

That was rude; don't think of her like that, a tiny voice in the back of my mind said. A voice sounding suspiciously like Dad's. I ignored that voice.

"No Carlisle and Esme aren't seeing a shrink," I answered looking at her like she was a crazy. This was actually fun.

"Are your real parents seeing a shrink?" she asked.

I decided then that, to challenge myself, I would tell her things that were as close to the truth as possible so I replied, "Esme wrote in the manual that I don't know my real parents." See I'd never said I didn't know my real parents.

"Why do you call her Esme?"

"She isn't my mum and she would never ask me to call her that," I answered truthfully. Obviously Esme wouldn't ask me to call her mum; she was my grandmother after all.

"But then who's seeing a shrink?" Ellen asked clearly totally confused now.

"My parents," I answered gleefully.

"Renesmee get in the car now," Ellen shouted.

I pretended to be death, sat back down on the sofa and picked my book up again.

"Renesmee get up now," she snarled. I turned the page in my book.

At that moment Jake came walking down the stairs still in his pyjamas.

"Good morning everyone," he said.

Immediately Ellen turned on him. "Why didn't you bring Renesmee to school?" she asked.

I interrupted before Jake could answer. "Do you see a Renesmee here? Because I don't."

Jake smiled at me clearly catching on. "I don't know Nessie maybe she's seeing ghosts. Or she's sleepwalking and dreaming something."

He walked over to Ellen and snapped his fingers in her face. "Huhu anyone home? Is there anything in here?" he asked tapping her head.

"RENESMEE get in the car now," Ellen shouted much louder than she had before.

"Hmm clearly a nightmare," Jake told me. "I can't imagine the school you're supposed to be going to is very happy right now. After all the probably had to make a pretty big exception to let you come in for just a week."

"Nope. They're probably not very happy right now," I agreed with him.

At that Ellen seemed to deflate. Obviously she had called in a favour to get me to school today.

"Nessie could you please come to the car?" she asked.

"Why of course Ellen." I gave her a dazzling smile and her protesting "Mrs Smith" was nearly inaudible.

Nessie 1, Ellen 0

Half an hour later we arrived at the school which basically consisted of a big concrete block and green field outside it with some football goals. During the trip I had found out why Ellen was here at all, apparently the shrink had refused to let her watch the "session" so I had the joy of spending the day with her. How absolutely wonderful. And yes I do enjoy sarcasm quite a bit.

I had succeeded in making us half an hour late so when we went inside the building there was no one in the corridor. Ellen rushed me to a reception desk and introduced herself as Mrs Smith. The secretary clearly wasn't happy about us being late but she gave us both stupid placards which said "Visitor" on them.

She told me I could "draw on it with crayons if I wanted too and make a pretty picture". At that moment a plan flashed through my mind. If they kicked me out of this school Ellen couldn't force me to come here for the rest of the week and I would be free.

So I asked the secretary, "If I draw on your face with crayons will it become prettier too?" I felt pretty guilty about that even though I had heard her yelling at a boy for not tying his shoe laces when we'd first come in.

She glared at me. "You be careful young miss. We have strict rules around here and if you don't follow them."

Mrs Smith quickly apologized for me and we left to go to the classroom the secretary had given us directions too.

We stepped inside the classroom interrupting the teacher mid sentence. Twenty pairs of eyes turned towards me yet I wasn't nervous about this at all. I didn't need or want to meet new people. It wasn't like I would be able to actually be friends with them. I would be alive a lot longer than any of them anyway and they could never know my secret. And I wasn't lonely my family and Quileute friends were all the company I needed.

The teacher turned back to the class. "Well class everyone say hello to Renesmee Cullen she."

I interrupted her there. "Nessie," I corrected.

"What?" she asked in confusion.

"My name is Nessie," I clarified enunciating each syllable.

"Alright well I want you all to make sure that you make Nessie feel very welcome here. She will only be with our class for a week but maybe we can convince her to stay longer after that. Why don't we all sing the welcome song for her?"

And all of the children stood up and began waving their hands back and forth.

"Welcome, welcome, welcome

Welcome Nessie here today,

Welcome, welcome, welcome,

Welcome Nessie to our class."

And then they all started clapping. The whole thing was so cheesy, I mean come on it made me want to gag. Instead I bowed to all of them before going to sit down in a chair at the back of the classroom. The teacher didn't look very happy with that but she couldn't really say anything after all I was allowed to sit down right?

I waved my hand at Ellen. "You may leave now. Make sure the limo is ready for me whenever this hell is over."

She flushed bright scarlet before turning to the teacher. "I'm not the servant or the maid or nanny or anything like that really."

Ms Miller was ignoring her and instead glaring at me. "Nessie we do not use this language in school. Please stand in the corner for a time out."

I stood up and went to the corner and to my annoyance Ellen took my seat. It looked like she had gotten permission to remain in the classroom.

The teacher carried on with the lesson which was apparently on spelling. The children all had out little spelling books in which they were writing down the words that the teacher wrote on the board. Words like "large" and "dolphin". I was amazed at how simple this whole thing was of course I knew that nothing apart from maybe 12th Grade could challenge me but still.

I glanced over at a boy sitting in the front row (his little name plate identified him as Tom) and was surprised at his messy handwriting. He had also forgotten the "p" in dolphin. I decided then that I couldn't stand being in this class much longer it has just so incredibly boring. My family must feel the same way going through high school over and over again and in that moment I almost wished that I would have longer as a child just so I wouldn't have to start doing that.

I put up my hand but the teacher didn't call on me until Tom said, "Ms Miller Nessie is putting up her hand." Tom smiled at me and I smiled back maybe the kids here weren't so bad after all but I knew I would never be able to connect with them intellectually at all. I couldn't force myself to be enthusiastic about going down a slide or playing in the playground, I had already gone passed that phase.

Ms Miller walked over to me and looked at me sternly. "Do you have a question Nessie."

"Yes Miss Miller," I said.

"Is it related to class?" she asked.

"It's about a book I read is that okay to?"

"Sure then go ahead."

"In William Golding's "Lord of the Flies" what do you think was the catalyst for the escalation of events on the island? And do you think that what happened was because of the boys' character or do you think that it is a primal part of human nature that we would all eventually revert to under extreme circumstances?"

Lord of the Flies was actually a book I'd read recently but I'd already discussed much of it with Mum and Dad this was just for shock value.

Ms Miller definitely looked shocked at the question and I heard a groan from Ellen at the back of the classroom. Obviously she had hoped I would act like a normal eight year old.

Ms Miller looked at all of the kids in her classroom and then told them to take out their books and keep on reading. She then asked me and Ellen to wait outside before storming into the principal's office.

I could hear some of what she was saying through the door. "Can't deal with someone like her" and "I'm not payed to teach advanced kids" and "Asked me about Lord of the Flies...far to advanced for second grade" and "swore in class...needs attitude adjustment". And then finally "I will not put up with this, she has to go."

Mission accomplished, I thought to myself.

AN: There we go another chapter. Please review and tell me what you think, I really enjoyed writing Renesmee (NESSIE :) ) I hope you guys like this chapter too.


	23. Alice & Jasper

Chapter 23

Dr Saunders' POV

Five minutes later I had returned to my office reluctantly and asked Rosalie and Emmett to leave. I desperately hoped that Jasper and Alice's session would work better but I sincerely doubted it.

When they arrived in my office they both sat down without a word. Both clearly not wanting to be here.

"So Jasper I wanted to talk to you about Bella. I want you to know that I'm not judging you, I'm sure you had reasons for doing what you did," I began. I was just unable to let that go. Why would he attack his own sister?

"It was an accident. I should've had more control," Jasper answered looking down.

"It wasn't your fault Jas," Alice tried to soothe him; "her blood was too much of an enticement for you."

Blood? What was she talking about? Was Jasper a cannibal? Did he imagine himself a vampire? I'd heard of these people before, that were under those illusions yet I was nowhere near qualified to deal with them.

"Calm down doctor. It really was an accident. Jasper had a hard upbringing and the sight of blood brought back memories for him and he lashed out. Besides aren't we supposed to be talking about our relationship," Alice said in earnest.

And what she said made so much sense to me. She was right, of course she was. She was the most reasonable person I had ever met.

"Mmm okay," I mumbled. "How did you two meet?"

"I saw Jasper in my head," Alice answered and laughed.

"She knew where to find me and find me she did. She rescued me from myself."

And they smiled at each other so sweetly that I couldn't help but be so happy for them. Like you are in movies when the two people you've always wanted to get together finally kiss. Not that I watch romantic movies I'm into action and thrillers and those kinds of things.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked Jasper.

"I was suffering from depressions. When Alice came into my life everything just made sense to me."

Cheesy but an okay answer I guess.

"Alice what happened to you when you were younger?" I asked, hesitant and not really expecting an answer.

"I don't remember," she said stonily.

"What do you mean you don't remember," I asked, confused.

"I know roughly what happened but I can't remember any of it." While she was speaking Jasper had put his arms around her and was rubbing her back soothingly.

To me it sounded like she had repressed those memories of her past, maybe she had been abused by her biological parents or something equally horrible.

"Have you ever tried hypnosis or something similar?"

"I have tried everything, nothing works." She frowned and Jasper continued comforting her.

"You want to remember?"

"Yes. I want to know what life was like then. Who I was."

"Okay. Thank you Alice." I desperately tried to think of a new subject.

"What kind of pastimes do the two of you enjoy? How do you spend time together?"

"I love shopping and dressing my family. Jasper accompanies me and helps carry the bags," Alice answered cheerily.

Hmm shopping. It was definitely strange that her family indulged her in dressing them. Considering none of the others seemed to keen on letting others do things for them I had to guess she was very stubborn and persistent.

"And you Jasper?"

"I enjoy reading and playing sports with my family."

Jasper was obviously antisocial and emotionally withdrawn. I guessed that he had problems reaching out to other teenagers his age, preferring to keep to his family. He probably had abandonment issues causing him to mistrust everybody else.

"Okay Jasper I want to ask you something. Do you feel like you try to keep your emotions to yourself?"

"Yes." He was smirking now, his posture more relaxed for reasons I couldn't ascertain. Alice was shaking her head but she looked like she too was trying to suppress laughter.

"And why do you think you do that Jasper?"

He put on a different face now, I'm pretty sure it was meant to be tragic and it looked so real I would've believed it if Alice's shoulders weren't still shaking.

"I guess, I guess, I'm afraid of hurting people if I let my true feelings show. What if someone gets injured? It would all be my fault."

He sounded sincere so maybe, just maybe he was actually telling the truth the poor guy.

"Okay Jasper I understand the way you feel. I've experienced the exact same thing; I used to keep everything to myself. But I'm going to give you a piece of advice: Tell people how you're feeling. It will get them to understand you better. And then maybe you can learn to trust other people."

"Okay Doc you're the boss. So I have a question for you. Will you answer it honestly?"

"I will try my best," I promised him.

"Do you think I'm emotionally retarded?" he asked an eyebrow raised.

Crap. How was I supposed to answer that?

"No I just think you don't quite know how to connect to people."

He looked mad now. "I'm married."

"I know and that's what I'm here to help with. I know you probably weren't ready for this relationship and that Alice forced you into it."

"HEY," she shouted standing up from her chair. I'd forgotten she was here. Stupid, stupid.

"How dare you say that about me? I love jasper over everything! I would never force him to do anything!"

"She's right and I love her just as she loves me. And you think I don't understand emotions? You couldn't be more wrong. I know you're afraid of us, all of us. I saw you leaning away from us in your chair. I know you're having problems with your wife, you turned the photo of her on your desk around and so much more."

Oh my gosh! How had he known those things, especially the last part? It seemed I had pegged him completely wrong. A wave of anger crushed me, anger at myself mainly.

And then the wall crumbled into pieces with a loud banging noise like a truck had driven through it. Fragments flew everywhere and I coughed when dust filled my lungs.

Emmett stood on the other side of the hole in my wall looking sheepish, it seemed he had been the one to break it down. Behind him the rest of them were looking through the hole only seeming mildly interested and showing no concern.

How had he done that? It had been a thick, stable, cement wall.

"See," Jasper said smugly, "this is what happens when I let my emotions get out."

"People and buildings get hurt."

AN: Thank you very much for reading, please review.


	24. Crazy

AN: Here's another chapter. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga or Wife Swap.

Chapter 24

Dr Saunders POV

I awoke to the wonderful and familiar sound of my wife screaming at me again.

"Why can't you just listen to me Ryan? Isn't that part of what you tell your patients? That C-O-M-M-U-I-C-A-T-I-O-N is the key to a healthy relationship? And listening is part of communication isn't it? So just listen to me," and on and on she went.

I turned to my other side and pulled the covers over my head in a desperate attempt to block her out.

She being the wonderful and loving person she is pulled the covers away to continue her screaming fit about how I never did anything around the house, how I was never home enough blah, blah, blah.

When she stopped for air I got up, there was no way I would be allowed to go back to bed now, and ran to the bathroom locking myself in. So okay, my marriage wasn't going great but just because I'm supposed to be an expert doesn't mean I'm actually good at relationships.

In fact my wife had a theory that I only became a marriage counsellor was because I felt weak and helpless in my own relationships. But that's really beside the point. This was going to be a good day. It was my last day with the Cullen family, the day I got to give them some of my brilliant (and soooo useful) relationship advice.

I made it to my office early and allowed myself a Latte in the Starbucks across the street before work and then sat in my chair carefully sipping it.

Which was when it hit me that I had no idea what I was going to say. I had written a pile of careful notes on all of the ridiculous stories they had told but they told me nothing. Apart from the fact that they obviously love each other.

Okay that would work. I could improvise as I was going. I would give them this whole big speech about how they might be a bit too young for marriage and that it's somewhat unhealthy for them to be together and not form social contacts who isn't family but that I could see their love was strong…

Oh who was I kidding? Truth be told I didn't feel like I had gained any insight into the family at all. Their emotions seemed to be all over the place going from upset to happy and the whole time I felt we were only scraping the tip of the iceberg. None of them had revealed anything to me at all. They were always joking and half the time I thought the joke was always on me.

Of course that was when the family, with a few cameramen trailing behind them arrived. That was when I remembered a second problem.

I have always had stage fright. I'd refused to take part in any plays throughout my school career but then my graduation had come. The big and scary stage had loomed before me and I just couldn't do it. But no I did not run to my mum to cry.

Anyway the Cullens had sat down and the cameramen had set up in the background. One of them gave me a thumbs up but I couldn't return it. I had started feeling lightheaded and woozy, the room was spinning.

From far away voices came through to me, echoing loudly in my head. "Dr Saunders? Dr Saunders are you okay?" Someone was asking Dr Saunders if he was okay. Edward. That was Edward.

Wait. Edward. Edward Cullen. Cullen family. On Wife Swap. Filmed Sessions. Today. Now. Come on Ryan, snap out of it.

The room became clearer again and stopped spinning but I still felt a bit nauseous. You can do this! They're just a few cameras. They can't hurt you. Plus this is going to be seen by millions of people, millions of people will see you RYAN SAUNDERS make a fool of himself on national television.

"Good Morning," I mumbled.

"Dr Saunders how are you feeling?" Bella asked.

"Fine fine. You relationship good. Love each other. Need more social contact outside family. Strong relationship. I am good counsellor!"

And then my body suddenly became incredibly weak, I collapsed on to the floor and everything went black.

I woke up in a hospital. The distinct smell, the bed and the bland white furnishing being a dead give away. That and the nurse in her scrubs standing next to my bed.

"Hello Dr Saunders," she said in what I suppose was supposed to be a sweet and concerned voice.

"Do you remember what happened?" she asked.

I frowned thinking back. There was something but I couldn't quite get a grasp on it.

"Is today the 17th?" I asked.

"Very good. Yes it is," she was smiling now and enthusiastically nodding her head.

"The 17th is my last day with the Cullen family. I got up as normal and went to work and they came in and – did I faint?" I asked suddenly horrified as the events of what I presumed had been this morning came flooding back.

"Yes you passed out. Dr Cullen checked you in here when you didn't regain consciousness. Your blood sugar is a bit low but everything else is normal so you are free to go. Your wife is here to pick you up." And with that she opened the door to let the devil in.

As soon as the nurse left she started what I like to call her whisper yelling, which she used when there were people close and she didn't want to be overheard. "Did you make us look ridiculous Ryan? Did you? Oh no of course you didn't. You are in the hospital for no reason right? It is not because you fainted like some faint hearted geezer while on national television. Isn't that right honey?"

She looked down at me now and her facial expression was not a happy one. Against my better judgement I tried pleading with her.

"Honey, I'm in the hospital please," I began but was of course cut off.

"This is a catastrophe. Why did I ever marry you? Now I will have to change my last name back to my maiden name because of course they know your name. We are moving to another state. I can't let the neighbours find out about this. What am I going to do?"

I let that lovely rant roll over me. It didn't bother me anymore. I mustered a smile. "You married me because you wanted to introduce yourself as Mrs Dr Saunders remember."

That shocked her momentarily giving me the advantage of a few fleeting rant free moments.

By the time we arrived home my wife had decided we were moving to Texas for the next twenty years and that we would own a remote farm and grow rice. Yes I know, very realistic.

But it didn't matter because I had decided what I was going to do. I was divorcing her ending my excuse for a relationship forever. But before I did I would go destroy the Cullens. They did not deserve a loving relationship when I couldn't have one.

Third Person's POV

All of the Cullens apart from Carlisle were assembled in Emmett's room to plan the top-secret operation "Torment Ellen" when Alice snapped out of it. Her eyes became glazed over, looking at a faraway place.

A few seconds later she burst out laughing. Immediately the tension that had taken over the room vanished instead turning into confusion. What was wrong with Alice?

"What did you see?" Renesmee asked her.

She immediately stopped laughing and her face became serious.

"I cannot tell you," she said solemnly.

"Oh come on Ali, that's not fair," Emmett began whining. Something he did a lot.

"Why can't you tell us?" Bella asked.

"It will make it less fun," Alice promised and she refused to give in no matter how long they spent pestering her.

Reluctantly everyone eventually got up to go to their own rooms after it became clear that Alice wouldn't tell them anything and after agreeing to postpone "Operation Destroy Ellen" for another day.

The hammering started about an hour later and when the noise became impossible to ignore Renesmee got up to see what it was about. The others, apart from Ellen who could apparently sleep through anything, were already up. They were standing at the top of the flight of stairs leading down to the front door where the sound was coming from.

Someone was banging on the front door and shouting things too slurred to make out even with advanced hearing

Then a shot was fired and the family sprung into action. Renesmee was bundled to the floor by her Mum and Dad while Jasper, Jake and Emmett moved in front of them and Carlisle and Emmett got both sides. Jake was trembling but he was holding himself together not wanting to phase just yet.

Renesmee protested feebly trying to get up but Mum and Dad refused to let me.

"Nessie please be sensible. We're bullet proof, you're not," Emmett whispered.

"We're not letting you up," Dad agreed.

Renesmee looked at Bella, her last remaining hope but she just smiled shaking her head. "Sorry sweetie."

"Fine," Renesmee grumbled. She wasn't actually scared. Whoever was at the door obviously had no idea what they were dealing with if they had brought guns. And her family could take down anyone.

That's when the door slammed open and there stood a very dishevelled Dr Saunders. In one hand he held the bottle of some alcoholic beverage in the over he held a gun. His hair was standing off at ends like he had just had an electric shock and a grin was plastered on his face. Yet the strangest thing was that he was wearing a James Bond suit and had sunglasses on which he now took off.

"My name is Saunders. Dr Ryan Saunders," he slurred and staggered into the room.

"I have come to bring justice to all single men and women in this world. Love as strong as yours must not exist," he shouted.

Carlisle stepped forward now, holding his hands in the air to show that he wasn't a threat.

"Look Dr Saunders. I understand that you feel hurt right now but we can talk about this. Just put the gun down and no one will get hurt."

Dr Saunders of course didn't really want to do that instead he aimed his gun at Carlisle and pulled the trigger.

Carlisle didn't even flinch when the bullet hit him, it just bounced off and fell to the floor with a quiet ping.

Emmett gave a high-pitched girly squeal and ran forward. "Oh no, oh no. Daddy, Daddy you've been hit," he squeaked. And then he pushed Granddad to the floor and forced him to cross his arms over his chest.

"Oh Dad how will I go on without you?" he wailed dramatically.

"Uhm Emmett? Emmett we still have a crazy person in the room. Do you want to deal with him or should I?" Jasper asked, waving his hand in front of Emmett's face.

"Ooh no, I want to! Let me handle the crazy person!" Emmett jumped up happily and walked to the motionless Dr Saunders.

"Hey Dr Saunders. Come on, give me the gun or I will take it from you."

That seemed to break something in Dr Saunders. He started jumping up and down stomping on the floor every time he came back down again.

He started chanting, "FALL, FALL, FALL, FALL."

Emmett lunged forward and grabbed the gun before Dr Saunders could begin hurting himself.

Carlisle started speaking to him in soothing tones hoping to calm him down.

"Don't worry Dr, everything will be okay."

"Why didn't you fall? I shot you? You're supposed to be dead. FALL."

They finally decided to call an ambulance and the paramedics took him away probably to put him in some mental asylum.

And Emmett waved him goodbye all the while shouting, "Murderer" and "Father-Killer" after him.

When the ambulance had finally left hearing range he turned around, a big grin on his face.

"Well that was fun. What do we do know?" he asked.

AN: Please review and let me know what you think of the chapter.

I also just started a new story. It's called "Bad Influence" and here's the summary: When Bella is asked to "be a good Influence" on Forks High's bad boy Edward Cullen by the Principal she reluctantly accepts. As Bella begins to tutor him sparks begin to fly, but is it enough?


	25. Cops

AN: Yes, I realise that it has been forever. I recently moved and my laptop got lost in a mountain of boxes and has just been discovered. Enjoy!

Chapter 25

Ellen awoke to an unusual silence that immediately made her suspicious. For as long as she had been here there had never been silence before. Silence meant something bad had happened.

She got out of bed as quickly as she could manage and threw on the first pieces of clothing she could find not even bothering to brush her hair. As she rushed don the stairs she heard the doorbell ring so she redirected her course only to find that Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were already standing by the door.

Jasper opened it to reveal a policeman in full uniform standing there, his car visible behind him. Ellen groaned and rushed forward.

"Whatever these beasts did I assure you it isn't their fault. They were exposed to horrible parenting throughout their childhood and I have only now arrived to help them," Ellen explained helpfully. Ellen didn't really want to go down to the police station today.

"Actually ma'am," the policeman began.

Ellen ignored him hoping to make this matter go away. "They will pay any damage, don't worry about that. They have obscenely rich parents. And don't worry I will punish them severely. And just to make it absolutely clear these are not my children."

"I really just wanted to make sure that everything is okay here. Just a routine check up."

Now Ellen was confused. What was he talking about?

Jasper took over the conversation now. "Everything is fine officer. Thank you for stopping by."

"Okay. Just making sure. Call us if you have any further difficulties." And with that the officer turned and drove off in his car leaving behind a still very much-confused Ellen.

"What was he checking up on? What did you do? Was he checking you are here and not involved in another crime? Have you been involved in a crime?" Ellen asked.

Possibilities were rapidly running through her head one worse than the next. Jasper seemed unstable and often looked pained. Maybe that was guilt. Was she in danger?

"Nope," Emmett responded. "I just called the police yesterday to have you put in a loony bin."

"But don't worry," Jasper assured her, "we talked him out of having you deported just in time."

Ellen was speechless.

"You called the police," she said faintly.

"Well actually 'Carlisle' did. Him being a doctor went a long way in taking us seriously."

"How could you do that? What is wrong with you? What would you have done if Jasper hadn't talked you out of it? Who thinks of things like this anyway?" Ellen shrieked at the top of her voice.

"You were mean to us and I don't like you," Emmett stated defiantly pouting like a small child.

"And as for what we would've done when they took you away. We would've waved you goodbye and possibly laughed at you as you desperately tried to get out of your restraints," Rosalie added.

"It would've been so much fun too," Emmett said wistfully.

This was when Carlisle came down the stairs alerted by all of the noise.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Your, your children tried to, tried to…" Ellen started trying hard to make her indignation apparent.

"The police showed up and Emmett told her that they were here because he wanted her locked up," Rosalie explained.

Carlisle sighed, understanding flashing in his eyes.

"I'm sorry if they have upset you Ellen. The police was here to check we were alright because we were involved in an accident recently."

"I don't want to know. I will not become part of whatever crime you committed."

"There was no crime," Carlisle tried to convince her.

"Let it go dad. She's hopeless," Emmett said. "She doesn't understand the severity of someone shooting you."

Carlisle shot Emmett an angry look at that. This was exactly what he had been trying to avoid. He didn't want Ellen involved with the whole Dr Saunders thing. I would have been better for her that way. But of course Emmett being Emmett had to say something.

Hearing that Ellen's face went very pale and she looked dizzy. Carlisle quickly grabbed a chair for her to sit down on.

"Someone shot you?" she asked meekly.

"It was an accident. We were in a bank, it was robbed and the robbers' gun went off. It wasn't a big deal, the bullet didn't go in very deep."

At that Ellen fainted and keeled over hitting her head hard on the kitchen floor. Carlisle looked at Emmett accusingly who had been standing closest.

"Why didn't you catch her?" he asked.

"Why didn't _you_ catch her?"

"You were closest. You should have caught her." Carlisle then knelt down next to Ellen and checked her vital signs relieved to find everything normal.

"Do we get throw cold water at her now?" Rosalie asked.

"Of course not. I think it would be best if we just carried her up to her room and let her rest until she regains consciousness."

"Oh then I'm not really interested." And with that Rosalie left to the garage taking Emmett with her.

"Will you help Jasper?" Carlisle asked.

"I guess if I have to."

So the two of them carried Ellen upstairs and put her down on her bed.

When she regained consciousness she was at first confused but then the events came rushing back to her. Policeman. Emmett being ridiculous. And Carlisle. Shot Carlisle. She sat up in her bed a wave of dizziness hitting her.

"Slowly there," a voice in the corner of her room said. Involuntarily she shrieked in surprise.

"It's just me," Carlisle said soothingly coming to her bed. "I think it would be best if you would take it easy and rest for the rest of the day."

"What time is it?" Ellen asked.

"Nearly four."

"But the cheerleading practice is today. I was going to accompany the three of them. Make sure that they got there without sneaking off. You have horrible children."

A look of pure rage crossed Carlisle's features at that. He hated his family being insulted by anyone but he would have to let it pass this time. After all the woman had just fainted.

"Don't worry about anything I will make sure they get there," he assured her.

"Thank you. Now can you send Emmett in? I need to talk to him quickly," she requested.

Carlisle was happy to oblige because it meant leaving her company although he knew that Emmett had already heard what Ellen asked for.

He entered the room shortly after grinning when he saw her.

"Emmett I think you are a rotten person. Irresponsible, cocky and incredibly annoying. But I wanted to apologise to you. I know what happened to your dad affected you deeply."

"That really wasn't an apology. You never even said I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry," Ellen said through clenched teeth. "Now leave."

"Of course your highness." And Emmett left the room quietly shutting the door.

Unfortunately the door had a mirror on its back meaning Ellen could now see her face.

Someone had drawn a moustache on her face while she was unconscious but that was not all by far. Her whole face had been painted an ugly colour of green with orange polka dots in it. Her ears and nose were a flaming red giving her the overall look of a monster pretending to be a clown.

"EMMETT," she screeched.

Rosalie entered her room seconds later.

"I am here to inform you that we thought your rules were incredibly sexist. SO the boys are off to cheerleading practice now and we will go to football tomorrow. Goodnight."

Ellen sat in her bed, shocked.

AN: And that's it for now. The next chapter will be how Emmett, Jasper and Edward fare in cheerleading. I will probably be up by Wednesday. Please review and tell me what you think!


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